PR 

3515 



i^^\ 



"?/:., 






^^^/---^ ^/^tH^fo^^, 



No. XLIX. 

MODERN STANDARD DRAMA 

EDITED BY EPES SARGENT. 



THE EOAD TO RUIN 



IN FIVE ACTS. 



BY THOMAS HOLCHOFT. 



WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHARAC- 
TERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



NEW YORK : 

WM. TAYLOR & CO., 18 AJNfN STREET. 



PRirE 1 2 1-2 CENTS. 
^t 



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Ptice 12 1-2 Cents each.—Bowid Volumes %l 00 



rot. 1. 

1. loa 

2. tazio. 

3. The Lady of Lyons. 

4. Richelieu. 

5. The Wife. 

• 6. The Honey Moon. 

7. The School for Scan- 
dal. 

8. Money. 

Wiih a rortrail and 
Memoir of Mrs. A. C. 
MO WATT. 

TOL. n. 

9. The Stranger. 

10. Grandfather White- 
head. 

11. Richard UI. 

12. Love's Sacrifice. 

13. The Gamester. 

14. A Cure for the Heart- 
ache. 

15. The Hunchback. 

16. Don Caasar DeBasan. 
With a PortraU and 

Mempir of Mr. CHAS. 
KEAN. 

TOL in. 

17. The Poor Gentleman. 

18. Hamlet. 

19. Charles H. 

20. Venice Preserved. 

21. Pizarro. 

22. The Love-Chase. 

23. OtheUo. 

24. Lend me Five Shillings 
WUh. a Portrait and 

Memoir of Mr. W. £ 
BURTON. 



VOL V 

33. A New Way to Pav 
Old Debts. ^ 

34. Look Before You Leap. 

35. King John. 
The Nervous Man. 
Damon and Pythias. 
The Clandestine Mar- 
riage. 

William Tell. 
The Day after the 
Wedding. 

^Vith a Portrait and 
Tmnoir of O. COLMAN 
the Elder. 



37. 



40. 



VOL. Tl 

41. Speed the Plough. 

42. Romeo and Juliet. 

43. Feudal Times. 

44. Charles the Twelfth. 

45. The Bridal. 

46. The Follies of Night. 

47. TheLron Chest. 

48. Faint Heart Never 
Won Fair Lady. 

fTi^A a Portrait and 
Memoir of Sir E. BUL- 
WER LYTTON. 



25. 



27. 



29. 



VOL. IT. 
Virginius. 
The King of the Com 



of 



vot. vn. 
Road to Ruin. 
Macbeth. 
Temper. 
Evadne. 
Bertram. 



London Assurance 
The Rent-Day. 
Two Gentlemen 
Verona. 

30. The Jealous Wife. 

31. The Rivals. 

32. Perfection. 

WUh a Portrait and 
Memoir of Mr. J, H. 
HACKETT. 



54. The Duenna. 

55. Much Ado About 
Nothing. 

66. The Critic. 

With a PortraU and 
Memoir of R. B. SHERI- 
DAN. 

VOL vm. 

57. TheApotJate. 

58. Twelfth Night 

59. Brutus. 

60. Simpson & Co. 

61. Merchant of Venice. 

62. Old Heads and Young 
Hearts. 

63. Mountaineers. 

64. Three Weeks After 
Marriage. 

WUh a PortraU and 
Memoir of Mr. GEO. U. 
BARRETT. 



VOL II. 

65. Ix)ve. 

66. As You Like it. 

67. The Elder Brother. 

68. Werner. 

69. Gisippus. 

70. Town and Country. 

71. King Lear. 

72. Blue Devils. 
With a PortraU an 

Memoir of Mrs. SUA W 

VOL X 

73 Henry VIII 

74 Married and Single 

75 Henry IV 

76 Paul Pry 

77 Guy Mannering 

78 Sweethearts k Wives 

79 The Serious Family 

80 She Stoops to Conque 
With a PortraU aw 

Memoir of Miss CHAR 
LOTFE CUSHMAN. 
VOL XI 

81 Julius Caesar 

82 Vicar of Wakefield 

83 I^ap Year 

84 The Catspaw 

85 The Passing Cloud 

86 The Drunkard 

87 Rod Roy 

88 George Barnwell 
WUh a PortraU anr" 

Memoir of Mn. JOHl 

sefion: 

VOL xn 

89 Ingomar 

90 Sketches in India 

91 The Two Friends 

92 Jane Shore 
The Corsican Brothers 

94 Mind your own Busi- 
ness. 

95 Writing on th^^WaU 
98 Heu- at Law 

WUh a PortraU and 
Memoir of THOMAS S. 
UAMBLIN. 

VOL xin 

97 The Soldier's Daughter 

98 Douglas 

99 Marco Spada 

100 Nature's Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalus 

102 Civilization 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine & Petruclo 
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REST. 



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4 



ODERN STANDARD DRAMA^ 

EDITED BY EPES SARGENT. 
No. XLIX. 



THE ROAD TO RUIN 

21 dlonubj) 



IN FIVE ACT'*: 



BY THOMAS H O L C R (> F T 



WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CASTS OF CHARACTERS, 
COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



^NE W-YORK : 
^ WILLIAM TAY^LOR & CO., 

No. 18 ANN-STKERT. 



1«^'' 



?V1 



QiFT 
EST. OF J H. COtNING 
JUNE 20. 1940 



EDITORIAL INTRODU(VnON. 

• The author of this excellent comedy, says Cumberland, *'is 
Thomas Holcroft, who from an humble sphere of life, oy un- 
wearied industry and powerful talent, rose to considerable lite- 
rary eminence. He is a very voluminous author, having writ- 
ten no less than thirty-one dramatic pieces — indeed, more have 
been ascribed to him — besides sundry novels and translations. 
His greatest effort is The Road to Ruin — a comedy that will 
live as long as the language in which it is written. Mr. Hol- 
croft made himself politically notorious by voluntarily surren- 
dering himself to a charge of high treason^ m the autumn of 
1794. But the liberties of the people of England were not to be 
sacrificed by an arbitrary and frivolous indictment : three of the 
accused were tried, and honourably acquitted, the remaining 
eight (Mr. Holcroft was among the number) were discharged 
without trial ! In private life, Mr. Holcroft was amiable and 
inoffensive. His memoirs have been written and published 
since his death by his daughter, Miss Fanny Holcroft." 

We were told not long since by Thomas Cooper, the veteran 
actor, that when Holcroft read the Road to Ruin to the actors 
in the Green Room, nearly all were dissatisfied with their parts. 
From the success of Quick, in the character of a choleric old fa- 
ther, with some touches of pathos, in Holcroft's play of " The 
German Hotel," Holcroft had written the part of Old Dornton, 
with a particular view to its personation by Quick. Bat the 
latter claimed Silky as his legitimate part, and Silky he must 
have. Holcroft then appealed to Munden to play Old Dornton, 
but Mupd.'^n decided that he could do nothing with it ; and it 
was not till after much persuasion, that he was induced to ven- 
ture upon it. T<ewis, though pleased with the play, thought 



IV EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. 

that he should make a failure in Goldfinch ; and tLus were a/l 
the principal actors displeased with their parts. 

The result showed that the actor is not always the best judge 
of his own capabilities or those of a play. Munden made an 
immense hit in Old Dornton. A writer in one of the English 
magazines says it was his best part. 

" It was worth a journey from the Orkneys to see Munden play Old 
Dornton, especially when Elliston played Harry. The scenes between 
them were delicious. Here Ars celare artera became Munden's motto. 
In his delineation of the fond, confiding, indulgent, but justly offended 
father, he appears to have adopted a higher staudard. and kept a 
higher guard on himself than usual. Here was none of that gi-inding, 
that mouthing, that exaggeration which generally detei-iorated bis per- 
formances. So simply, so forcibly, yet so naturally, did little Joey 
pourtray the struggle between parental afi'ection and a sense of his 
duty, that our best sympathies were awakened, and w^e quite forgot 
in the interest we felt for the unhappy father, that his sorrows were 
fictitious. And Munden looked the worthy old banker as well as he 
played him. I would have taken his word for millions. I would have 
staked my whole fortune in an atmospheric railway to the moon, had 
Old Dornton's name been down among the directors. Authors are 
seldom satisfied with the actors who play in their pieces, but Holcroft 
must have been fastidious indeed to find fault wath such a performance 
as Munden's Old Dornton." 

Lewis was no less successful in Goldfinch. Cooper told us, 
that he gave to the perpetually recurring catch-phrase of " that's 
your sort !" a variety of intonation, which made it always new 
and effective. At the age of seventy, Lewis was a younger 
man on the stage than any of our modern j>ersonat(u-s of volatile 
and vivacious young men. 

The " Road to Ruin" was first performed at Covent Garden 
in 1792. Its success was very great; and i^ was a hoxuz-e of 
considerable profit to the author. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Drury Lane, 1824 Covcnt Garden, 1325. Park, 1846. 

Old Domton Mr. Munden. Mr. W. Faireu. Mr. Bass. 

Harry Dornton " EUiston. " Cooper. " Dj'^ott. 

Goldfinch " Harley. ' Jones. " Barrett. 

Mr. Milford <' Penley. " Bartley. " Chanfrau. 

Mr. Sulky " Terry. " Blanchard. " Sutherland. 

Silky " Kuigrht. " Henry. " G. Andrews. 

Mr. Smith " Mercer. " Collett. " McDouall 

Hatter " Tumour. " Evans. 

Jacob " Webster. *' Barnes. " Povey. 

Hosier '• Povey. " Ryals. " Gallot. 

Furrier " Randall. " Ryals. 

SheriJ's Officer " Read. " Crampton. " Milot. 

Footman " Seymour. *' Heath. " Heath. 

Widow Warren Mrs. Harlowe. Mrs. Glover. Mrs. Vernon. 

Sophia Miss S. Booth. Miss Goward. " Hunt. 

Jenny Mrs. Orger. Mrs. Daly. " Dyott. 

Mrs. Ledger " Willmott. " Hutton. Miss Flynn. 

Milliner. Miss Phillips. " Brown. 

Mwiituariiaker Mrs. Webster. Miss H. Boden. 



OLD DORNTON.— Old-fashioned black suit, black silk stockings, three-coriM red 

hat, shoes and buckles. 
HARRY DORNTON.— Blue dress coat, white waistcoat, black silk breeches and 

knee-buckles, black silk stocking^, shoes and buckles, dress hat. 
GOLDFINCH. — Scarlet sporting-frock, buff waistcoat, white cord breeches, with 

gilt buttons and long- silk knee-strings, high-crowned hat, top boots. 
MILFORD. — Blue dress coat, white waistcoat and trousers, white silk stockings, 

round black hat. 
SULKY. — Old-fashioned brown suit, covered buttons, striped silk stockings, shoes, 

and large buckles. 
SILKY. — Twilled striped suit, large buttons, brown silk stockings, shoes and 

buckles. 
MR. SMITH. — Blue coat, white waistcoat, black trousers, black silk stockings, 

shoes with strings. 
WIDOW WARREN. — First dress: White satin, trimmed with green. Second 

dress : White satin, with a profusion of gold spangles, white satin turban, with 

ditto, and white plumes. 
SOPHIA. — White muslin, with a slight pink trimming. 
JENNY. — Plain muslin dress and api-on, trimmed with pink ribbon, white stockings, 

black shoes. 
MRS. LEDGER.— Plaic, matronly, coloured dress, bonnet and cloak. 



EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 

R. means Right; L. Left: R. D. Eighl Door; L. D. Le/i Door; 
S. B. Seco?id Entrance; U. E. Upper Entnnce; M D. Middle Door. 



RELATIVE POSITIONS. 

R., menus Right; L., Left ; C, Centre; R. C, Right of Centre i 
L. C, Left of Centre. 



THE ROAD TO RUIN. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — DorntorCs House. 

'Enter Mr. Dornton, l. 

Dor. (c.) Past two o'clock, and not yet returned— 
Well, well — (r.) — it's my own fault ! — Mr. Smith ! (l.) 

Enter Mr. Smith, l. 

Mr, S. (l. c.) Sir. 

Dor. (c.) Is Mr. Sulky come in 1 

Mr. S. No, sir. 

Dor. Are you sure Harry Dornton said he should re- 
turn to-night 1 

Mr. S. Yes, sin 

Dor. And you don't know where he is gone 1 

Mr. S. He did not tell me, sir. 

Dor. \Angrilt/.] I ask you if you know 1 

Mr. S. 1 believe to Newmarket, sir. 

Dor. You always believe the worst! — I'll sit up no lon- 
ger. — Tell the servants to go to bed. And, do you hear 1 
should he apply to you for money, don't let him have a 
guinea. 

Mr. S. Very v/ell, sir. 

Dor. I have done with him ; he is henceforth no son of 
mine ! Let him starve ! 

JV//-. S. He acts very impropeily, sir, indeed. 

Dor. Improperly] Howl [Taking kU hand.] What 
does he do 1 [Alarmed. 



^^ THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act I. 

Mr.S. Sir! 

Dor. Have you heard anything o€ — 

' Mr. S. [Confused.\ No — no, sir — Nothing — nothing but 
what you yourself tell me. 

Dor. Then how do you know he has acted impro- 
perly ? 

Mr. S. He is certainly a very good-hearted young gen- 
tleman, sir! 

Dor. Good-hearted I How dare you make such an as- 
sertion ] 

Mr. S. Sir ! 

Dor. How dare you, Mr. Smith, insult me so ? Is not 
his gaming notorious ? his racing, driving, riding, and 
associating with knaves, fools, debauchees, and black- 

Mr. S. Upon my word, sir, 1 — 

Dor. Upon your word ! But it's over ! His name has 
this very day been struck out of the firm ! Let Lis drafts 
be returned. It's all ended ! And observe, not a guinea ! 
If you lend him any yourself, I'll not pay you. I'll no 
longer be a fond, doating father ! Therefore, take warn- 
ing ! Take warning, 1 say ! Be his distress what it will, 
not a guinea ! Though you should hereafter see him beg- 
ging, starving in the streets, not so much as the loan or 
the gift of a single guinea ! [ Wifk rehemence. 

Mr. S. (c.) I shall be careful to observe your orders, sir. 

Dor. Sir ! (c.) Why, would you see him starve 1 
Would you see him starve, and not lend him a guinea ? 
Would you, sir? Would you 1 

Mr. S. Sir ! Certainly not, except in obedience to your 
orders ! 

Dor. [ With a?fiaze??icni and co?/? pass ion.] And could any 
orders justify your seeing a poor unfortunate youth, re- 
jected by his father, abandoned by his friends, starving to 
death '? 

Mr. S. There is no danger of that, sir. 

Dor. I tell you, the tiling shall happen ! He shall starve 
to death ! \Distresscd at the sfipposition.] I'll never look on 
him more as a son of mine ! and I'm very certain, when 
1 have forsaken him, all the world will forsake him, too. 
[ WeejJs.] Yes, yes ! he is born to be a poor wretched out- 
cast. 



SokneI.] ^ THE ROAD TO KUIN. 9 

J\Tr. S. I hoj^e, sir, he still will make a fine man 

Dor. Will ! there is not a finer, handsomer, noble:-look- 
ing youth in the kingdom : no, not in the world ! 

M?\ S. I mean, a worthy man, sir. 

Dor. How can you mean any such thing ? The com- 
pany he keeps would corrupt a saint. 

Mr. S. Sir, if you will only tell me what your pleasure 
is, I will endeavour to act like a laithful servant. 

Dor. I know you are a faithful servant, Mr. Smith. — 
[Takes his hand.\ 1 know* you are. — But you — you are not 
a father. 

Enter Mr. Sut.ky, l. — Exit Mr. Smith. 

Dor. Well, Mr. Sulky, have you heard anything of 
him 1 

Sul. (l. c.) Yes. 

Dor. And, hey ? — [Impatiently, \ Any thing consoling — 
any thing good ] 

Sul. No. 

Dor. No 1 — No, say you ! — Where is he ? What is he 
about ? 

Sul. 1 don't know. 

Dor. Don't 1 — You love to torture me, sir ! — You love 
to torture me. 

Sul Humph ! 

Dor. For heaven's sake, tell me what you have heard ! 

Sul. 1 love to torture you. 

Dor. Put me out of ifiy pain ! If you are not a tiger, 
put me out of my pain ! 

Sul. [Slowly drawing a newspaper out of Ms pocket?^ 
There : read ! 

Dor. Dead? 

Sul. Worse! 

Dor, Mercy defend me ! where 1 what % 

Sul. The first paragraph in the postscript : the begin- 
ning line in capitals. 

Dor. [Reads.] ^' The junior partner of the great hanking- 
liouse not a mile from the post-ofice, has again been touched 
at Newmarket, for upwards often thousand pounds. [Paus€.\ 
It can't be ! 

Sul. Humph ! 

Dor. Why, can iti 
c 



10 THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act . 

Sul. Yes 

Dor. How do you know ] What proof have you that 
ft is not a lie % 

Sul. His own hand-writing. 

Dor. How] 

Sul. Bills at three days* sight, to the full amcunt, have 
already been presented. 

Do7\ And accepted ? 

Sul. Yes. 

Dor. But — why — were you mad, Mr. Sulky 1 Were 
you mad 1 

Sul. I soon shall be. 

Dor. Is not his name struck off the firm ? 

Sul. They were dated two days before. 

Dor. The credit of my house begins to totter ! 

Sul. Well it may ! 

Dor. What the effect of such a paragraph may be, I 
cannot tell. 

Sul. I can : — Ruin ! 

Dor. Are you serious, sir 1 

Sul. I am not inclined to laugh. — A run against the 
house, stoppage, disgrace, bankruptcy ! 

Dor. Really, Mr. Sulky, you — 

Sul. Yes, I know I offend. I was bred in your house, 
you used me tenderly, I served you faithfully, and you ad- 
mitted me a partner. Don't think I care for myself. No, 
I can sit at the desk again. But you ! you ! first man of 
the first commercial city on earth, your name in the Ga- 
zette ! Were it mine only, 1 would laugh at it. What 
am I 1 who cares for me 1 [Crosses, r. 

Dor. Where is the vile — [Calling.] Mr. Smith — Tho- 
mas — William ! 

Enter Mr. Smith, l. 

Call all the servants together, Mr. Smith ; clerks, foot- 
men, maids, every soul ! Tell them their young master is 
a scoundrel. 

Mr. S. Very well, sir. 

Dor. Sir] Bid them shut the door in Hs face! I'll 
turn the first away that lets him set his foot in this house 
ever again ! 

Mr. S. Very well, sir. 



Scene I J 



THE KOAD TO RUIN. 11 



Do>\ A^ery well, sir ! Damn your very weJ, sir ! I 
tell you, it is not very well, sir. He shall starve, die, rot 
in the street ! Is that very well, sir 1 

[Exeunt Dornton and Smith, l. 

Sul. (r.) He has a noble heart. A fond father's heart ! 
The boy was a fine youth ; but he spoiled him ; and now 
he quarrels with himself and all the world, because he 
hates his own folly. \A knocking at the street door, l.J So ! 
here is the youth returned. [Knocking again. — lEtxit^ l. 

Enter Dornton, with Servants, l. 

Dor. (c.) Don't stir! — On your lives, don't go to the 
door ! Are the bolts and locks all fastened 1 

Servants. All, sir. 

Dor. Don't mind his knocking ! Go to bed, every soul 
of you, instantly, and fall fast asleep ! He shall starve in 
the streets I [Knocking again.] Fetch me my blunderbuss ! 
Make haste ! [Exeunt^ r« 

Scene II. — A Street. 
Enter Harry Dornton, Milford, and Postillions, l. 

Pos. (l. c.) We smoked along, your honour ! 

Har. [Knocks at d, f. l. c.J I know you did. Had you 
been less free with your whip, you would have been a 
crown the richer. Your next step should be to turn drum- 
mers, and handle the cat-o'-nine-tails. 

Pos. It is very late, your honour. 

Har. Begone! I'll give you no more. 

[Knocks. — Exei/nt Postillions, l. 

Dornton. [At the ivindow over him, ivith Mr. Sulky, throw- 
ing up the sash, and presenting the blunderbuss.] Knock 
again, you scoundrel, and, you shall have the full contents, 
loaded to the muzzle, rascal ! 

Har. So ! I suspected dad was in his tantrums. 

Mil. You have given him some cause. 

Har. Very true. [ To his father.] Consider, my dear sir, 
the consequences of lying out all night ! 

Dot. Begone, villain ! 

Har. Bad women, sir; damps, night air! 

Dor. Will you begone % 

Har. Watch-houses, pickpockets, cut-throats f 



12 Tin: i;oAi) to ruin. [ActI. 

SuL Come, come, sir. [Shuttmg tin 7vindou\ 

Mil We shall not get in. 

Har, Pshaw! how little do you know of my father 
The door will open in less than fifteen seconds. 

Mil. Done, for a hundred ! 

Har. Done! done! [Tahe out their watches — the door 
opens.] I knew you were had ; double or quits, we find the 
cloth laid, and supper on the table. 

Mil. No, it won't do. [Exeunt into the house. 

Scene ITT. — Dornton^s House. 
'Enter Harry Dornton, Milford, and. Footman, l. 

Foot, (l, c.) My old master is in a bitter passion, sir. 

Har. (l. c.) I know it. 

Foot. He is gone down to turn the servant out of doora 
that let you in. 

Har. Is he % Then go you and let your fellow-servant 
in again. 

Foot. I dare not, sir. 

Har. Then I must. \Exity l. 

Foot. (l. c.) He inquired who was with my young mas- 

Mil. Well! 

Foot. And when he heard it was you, sir, he was ten 
times more furious. [Exit, r. 

Re-enter Harry Dornton, r. 

Har. (c.) All's well that ends well. This has been a 
cursed long voyage, Milford ! 

Mil. (c.) I'm a hundred and fifty in. 

Har. And 1 ten thousand out. 

Mil. I believe I had better avoid your father for the pre- 
sent. 

Har. I think you had. Dad considers you as my temp- 
ter ; the cause of my ruin. 

Mil. And I, being in his debt, he conceives he may treat 
me without ceremony. 

Har. Nay, damn it, Jack, do him justice: it is not the 
money you had of him, but the ill-advice he imputes to you- 
that galls him. 

Mil, I hear he threatens to arrest me. 



•SCENF. I.] 



THK ROAD TO RUIN. 13 



H(ti\ Yes ! He has ihreatenefl to strike my name out 
of the firm, and disinherit me, a thousand times. 

Mil. Oh, but lie has been very serious in menacing me. 

Har. And me too. 

Mil. You'll be at the tennis-court to-morrow ? 

Har. No. 

Mil. What, not to see the grand match ] 

Har. No. 

Mil. Oh, yes, you will. 

Har. No, I am determined. 

Mil. Yes, over night ; you'll waver in the morning. 

Har. No. It is high time, Jack, to grow prudent. 

Mil. Ha, ha, ha ! My plan is formed : I'll soon be out 
of debt. 

Har. How will you get the money ] 

Mil. By calculation. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Mil. (r.) I am resolved on it. How many men of rank 
and honour, having lost their fortunes, have doubly reco- 
vered them 1 

Har. And very honourably ! 

Mil. Who doubts it 1 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! Nobody ! nobody ! 

Mil. But pray, Harry, what is it you find so attractive 
in ray late father's amorous relict? 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! What, the Widow Warren 1 

Mil. She seems to think, and even rejDorts, you are to 
marry her ! [Both sit at table, c. 

Har. Marry? Her? A coquette of forty, who ridicu- 
lously apes all the airs of a girl ! Fantastic, selfish, and 
a fool ! And marry ? Disgusting idea ! Thou wert 
philosophising, as we drove, on the condition of a post- 
horse — 

Mil. Well! 

Har. I would rather be a posthorse, — nay, the brute that 
drives a posthorse, than the base thing thou hast imagined ! 

[Rises and comes fm'ward. 

Mil. Then why are you so often there ? 

Har. (c.) Because I can't keep away. 

Md. [r. c.) What, is it her daughter, Sophia ! 

Har. Lovely, bewitching innocent ! 

Mil. The poor young thing is fond of you ? 
B 



14 THE ROAD TO RUIN. 



[Act 



Har. I should be half mad if I thought she was not ; 
yet am obliged to half hope she is not. 

Mil Why 1 

Har. What a question ! Ami not a protiigate, and in 
all probability ruined ] Not even my father can overlook 
this last affair ! No ! heigho ! 

Mil. The loss of my father's will, and the mystery made 
of its contents by those who witnessed it, are strange cir- 
cumstances ! 

Har, In which the widow triumphs. And you, being a 
bastard, and left by the law to starve, she willingly pays 
obedience to laws so wise. 

Mil. She refuses even to pay my debts. 

Har. And the worthy alderman, your father, being over- 
taken by death in the south of France, carefully makes a 
will, and then as carefully hides it where it is not to be 
found ; or commits it to the custody of some mercenary 
knave, who has made his market of it to the widow. So, 
here comes the supposed executor of this supposed will ! 

Enter Mr. Sulky, l. 

My dear Mr. Sulky, how do you do 1 

Sul. (l.) Very ill ! 

Har. Indeed % I am very sorry ! What's your disor- 
der] 

Sul. (l. c.) You ! 

Har. (c) Ha, ha, ha! 

Sul. Ruin, bankruptcy, infamy ! 

Har. The old story 1 

Sul. To a new tune. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Sul. You are — 

Har. What, my good cynic 1 

Sul. A fashionable gentleman. 

Har. I know it. 

Sul. And fashionably ruined. 

Har. No ; — I have a father. 

Sul. Who is ruined likewise. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! Is the Bank of England ruined ] 

Sul. I say,, ruined. [Mi/ford walks about, n.] Nothing 
less than a miracle can save the Louse. The purse of For- 
tunatus could not supply you. 



II.] 



THE ROAD TO RUIN. 15 



Har. No ; it held nothing but guineas. Notes, bills, 
paper for me ! 

Sul, Such effrontery is insufferable. For these five 
years, sir, you have been driving to ruin more furiously 
than — 

Har. An ambassador's coach on a biith-night. I saw 
you were stammering for a simile. 

Sul Sir! 

Har. Youth mounts the box, seizes the reins, and Jehus 
headlong on in the dark ; passion and prodigality blaze 
in the front, bewilder the coachman, and dazzle and blind 
the passengers ; wisdom, prudence, and virtue are overset 
and maimed, or murdered ; and at last, repentance, like 
the footman's flambeau lagging behind, lights us to dangers, 
when they are past all I'emedy. 

SmI. Your name is struck off the firm. I was the adviser. 

Har. You were very kind, Mr. Sulky. 

Sul. Your father is at last determined. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! Do you think so ] 

Sul. You'll find so ! [To Milford.] And what brought 
you here, sir ? 

Mil. (r.) a chaise and four. 

Sul. (r. c.) It might have carried you to a safer pldce. 
When do you mean to pay your debts 1 

Mil. When my father's executor prevails on the Widow 
Warren to do me justice. [Harry sits. 

Sul. And which way am I to prevail] 

Mil. And which way am I to pay ray debts ? 

Sul. You might have more modesty than insolently to 
come and brave one of your principal creditors, after hav- 
ing ruined his son by your evil counsel. 

Har. [Seated in the background..] Ha, ha, ha ! Don't 
believe a word on't, my good grumbler : I ruined myself: 
I wanted no counsellor. 

Mil. My father died immensely rich ; and though I am 
what the law calls illegitimate, I ought not to starve. 

Sul. You have had five thousand pounds, and are five 
more in debt. 

Mil. Yes ; thanks to those who trust boys with thou- 
sands, 

Sul. You would do the same, now that you think your- 
self a man. 



16 THE KOAD TO RUIN. 



[Act I. 



Mil. [Firml?/.] Indeed, T would not. 

Sul. Had you been watching the widow at home, in- 
stead of galloping after a knot of gamblers and pickpock- 
ets, you might perhaps have done yourself more service. 

Mil. Which way, sir? 

Sul. The will of your late father is found ! 

Mil. Found? 

Sid. I have received a letter, from which I learn it was 
at last discovered, carefully locked up in a private draw- 
er; and that it is now a full month since a gentleman of 
Montpellier, coming to England, was intrusted with it. 
But no such gentleman has yet appeared. 

Mil. If it should have got into the hands of the widow- 

Sul. Which I suspect it has ! You are a couple of pret 
ty gentlemen ! But beware ! misfortune is at your heels ! 
Mr. Dornton vows vengeance on you both, and justly. He 
is not gone to bed ; and, if you have confidence enough to 
look him in the face, I would have you stay where you 
are. 

Mil. I neither wish to insult, nor be insulted. [Exit, r 

Sul. [Retiring up the stage to table.] Do you know, sir, 
your father turned the poor fellow into the street, who 
compassionately opened the door for you ] 

Ha?'. Yes ; and my father knows I as compassionately 
opened the door for the poor fellow in return. 

Sul. Very well, sir ! Your fame is increasing daily. 

flar. [Rising.] I am glad to hear it. 

Sul. Humph ! Then perhaps you have paragraphed 
yourself? 

Har. [Comes forward icitJi him.] Paragraphed! Where? 
where 1 

Sul. (r. c.) In the St. James's Evening. 

Har. (c.) Me? 

Sul. Stating the exact amount — 

Har. Of my loss ? 

Sul. Yours. — You march through every avenue to fame, 
dirty or clean. 

Har. Well said ! Be witty when you can ; sarcastic 
you must be, in spite of your teeth But I like you the 
better. You are honest. You are my cruet of Cayenne, 
and a sprinkling of you is excellent. 

Sul. Well, sir, when you know the state of your own 



Scr.NE 11.] THE ROAO TO RUIN. 17 

affairs, and to what you have reduced the house, you will 
be less ready to grin. 

Har. Reduced the house ! ha, ha, ha ! 

[Dornton appears, l. 

Enter Dornton, with a newspaper in his handf l. 

JDor. (l.) So, sir ! 

Har. \Bowing, l. c.J I am happy to see you, sir. 

Dor. You are there, after having broken into my house 
at midnight!— And you are here, [holding up the paper,] 
after having ruined me and my house by your unprinci- 
pled prodigality ! Are you not a scoundrel ] 

Har. No, sir ; 1 am only a fool. 

SitJ. (r.) Good night to you, gentlemen. [Going, r. 

Dor. Stay where you are, Mr. Sulky. 1 beg you 
[Crosses, r., to Sulky, \ to stay where you are, and be a 
witness to my solemn renunciation of him and his vices! 

Sul. (r.) I have witnessed it a thousand times. 

Dor. But this is the last. [ To Harry. \ Are you not a 
scoundrel, I say 1 

Har. (c). I am your son. 

Dor. [ Calling, l.J Mr. Smith ! bring in those deeds. 

Enter Mr. Smith, with papers, l. 

You will not deny you are an incorrigible squanderer? 

Har. (l. c.) 1 will deny nothing. 

Dor. (c.) A nuisance, a wart, a blot, a stain upon the 
face of nature ! 

Har. A stain that will wash out, sir. 

Dor. A redundancy, a negation ; a besotted, sophisticat- 
ed incumbrance ; a jumble of fatuity ; your head, your 
heart, your words, your actions, all a jargon ; incoherent 
and unintelligible to yourself, absurd and offensive to 
others 1 [Smith retires, l. 

Har. I am whatever you please, sir. 

Dor. Bills never examined, every thing bought on cre- 
dit, the price of nothing asked ! Conscious you were weak 
enough lo wish for baubles you did not want, and pant for 
pleasures you could not enjoy, you had not the effrontery 
to assume the circumspect caution of common sense! 
And to your other destructive follies, you must add the de- 
testable vice of gaming I 



18 THE ROAD TO RUIN. f Act 1 

Har. These things, sir, are much easier done than de- 
fended. 

Dor. But here. \To Smithy who advanceSy l.] Give me 
that parchment ! The partners have all been summoned i 
Look, sir ! your name has been formally erased ! 

Har. The partners are very kind. 

Dor. The suspicions already incurred by the knovi^n pro 
fligacy of a principal in the firm, the immense sums you 
have drawn, this paragraph, the run on the house it will 
occasion, the consternation of the whole city — 

[Smith retires to background. 

Har. All very terrible, and some of it very true. 

[Half ^^^de. 

Dor. [Passionately.] If I should happily outlive the 
stomi you have raised, it shall not be to support a prodigal, 
or to reward a gambler ! You are disinherited ! Read ! 
[Taking more papers from, Sinithy c. 

Har. Your word is as good as the Bank, sir. 

Dor. ril no longer act the doting father, fascinated by 
your arts ! [Smith stands^ r. 

Har. I never had any art, sir, except the one you taught 
me. 

Dor. I taught you ! What, scoundrel ] what % 

Har. That of loving you, sir. 

Dor. Loving me ! 

Har. Most sincerely ! 

Dor. [Forgetting his passion.] Why, can you say, Harry 
— Rascal, I mean — that you love me % 

Har. I should be a rascal indeed, if I did not, sir. 

Dor. Harry! Harry! [Greatly agitated.] No; confound 
me if I do ! Sir, you are a vile — 

Har. I know I am. 

Dor. And I'll never speak to you more. [Going, l. 

Har. Bid me good night, sir. Mr. Sulky, here, will bid 
me good night, and you are my father ! Good night, Mr. 
Sulky ! 

Sul. (r.) Good night. [Exit, r. 

Har. Come, sir! 

Dor. Good — [Struggling 2oitk passion.] I won't! If 1 
do — 

Har. Reproach me with my follies, strike out my name, 
disinherit me — 1 deserve it all, and more. But say, 
" Good night, Harry !" 



Scene 1 J 



THE ROAD TO RUIN- 19 



Dar. I won't ! I won't ! I won't I 

Har. (l. c.) Poverty is a trifle, — we can whistle it off; 
but enmity — 

Dor. I will not ! 

Har. Sleep in enmity ! And who can say how sound- 
ly % (l.) Come ! good night. 

Dor. I won't ! I won't ! [Runs off, l. 

Har. Say you so % [Goes back to the table.] Why, then, 
my noble-hearted dad, [Returning,] I am indeed a scoun- 
drel ! 

Re-enter Mr, Dornton, r. 

Dar, (r.) Good night ! [Exit, r. 

Har, (c.) Good night ! [Exit, l 

END OF ACT JU 



ACT II. 

3cBNE I. — The Home of the Widow Warren, 

Enter Jenny and Mrs. Ledger, l. 

Jen. (l.) I tell you, good woman, I can do nothing for 
you. 

Mrs. L. (l.) Only let me see Mrs. Warren. 
Jen. And get myself snubbed. Not I, indeed. 

Enter Sophia, r. 

Soph, (r.) La, Jenny ! Yonder's my mamma, with a 
whole congregation of milliners, mantua-makers, mercers, 
haberdashers, lacemen, feathermen, and — and all the 
world, consulting about second mourning. 

Jen. (l. c.) I know it. 

Soph, (c) It will be six months, to-morrow, since the 
death of my father-in-law ; and she has been busy giving 
orders for this fortnight, that everything might be brought 
home and tried on to-day. I do believe she'll sleep in her 
new clothes ! 

Jen. How you run on, miss ! 

Soph. What would my dear grandma say, if she saw 
herl Why, she is even more fond of finery than I am ! 



20 THE ROAD TO RUIN. 



[Act 



Jen. Sure, miss, you are not fund of finery % 

SopJ/. [Skipping about.] Oh, but I am. 1 wonder why 
she won't let me wear high-heeled shoes? I am sure I 
am old enough ; I shall be eighteen next Christmas-day, 
at midnight ; which is only nine months and two days ! 
And since she likes to wear slips, and sashes, and ringlets, 
and — nonsense, like a girl, why should not I have high 
heels, and gowns, and satins, and trains, and sweeps, [Mi- 
micking.] and — and like a woman ] 

Jen. It's very true what your mamma tells you, miss : 
you have been spoiled by your old fond grandmother, in 
Gloucestershire. 

Sop/i. I>i3iy, Jenny, I won't hear you, call my dear grand- 
ma' names ! Though everybody told the loving old soul 
she would spoil me. 

Jen. And now your mamma has sent for you up to town, 
to finish your Jieddccation. 

Soph. Yes, she began on the very first day. There was 
the stay-maker sent for to screw up my shape ; the shoe- 
maker to cripple my feet ; the hair-dresser to burn my 
hair ; the jeweller to bore my ears ; and the dentist to file 
my teeth. 

Jen. Ah ! You came here such a hoyden ! [To Mrs. L.] 
What, an't you gone yet, mistress ? 

Soph. La, Jenny, how can you be so cross to people 1 
What is the matter with this good woman 1 

Jen. Oh, nothing but poverty ! 

Soph. Is that all 1 Here, [Rummaging her pockets,] giv« 
her this half-crown, and make her rich ! 

Jen. Rich, indeed ! 

Soph. What, is not it enough 1 La, I am sorry I spent 
all my money yesterday ! I laid it out in sweetmeats, 
(Cakes, a canary bird, and a poll parrot. But I hope you 
are not very, very poor ? 

Mrs. L. (l.) My husbMid served the late alderman five- 
and-twenty years. His master promised to provide for him ; 
but his pitiless widow can see him thrown with a broken 
heart upon the parish. 

Sop. Oh, dear ! — Stop ! — Stop a bit ! [Capering off, l.] 
Be sure you don't go ! 

Enter Mu. Sulky, r. 



Sul. (r ) Where's your mistress, girl 



Scene I.] 



THE ROAD TO RUIN. 21 



Jen. (c.) My name is Jane Cocket, sir. 
Sul. Where's your mistress I 
Jen. Busy, sir. 

Sul. Tell her to come down. — Don't stare, girl, lut go 
and tell your mistress 1 want her. 

Jen. [Aside.] Humph! Mr. Black-and-grufF! [ExityB.. 

Re-enter Sophia, running uritk great eagerness, r. 

Soph. I've got it ! Here ! Take this, good woman ; go 
home and be happy ! Take it, I tell you ! 

[ Offering a purse. 

Sul. (c.) Who is this 1 Mrs. Ledger ! How does your 
worthy husband ] 

Mrs. L. Alack, sir, ill enough : likely to starve in his 
latter days. 

S?il. How ! Starve ] 

Mrs. L. The widow refuses to do anything for him. 

Sul (l. c.) Humph ! 

Mrs. L. Service, age, and honesty, are poor pleas with 
affluence, ease, and Mrs. Warren. 

Sul. Humph! 

Mrs. L. You, sir, I understand, are the late alderman's 
executor ] 

Sul. I can't tell. 

Mrs. L. Perhaps you may be able to serve my husband] 

Sul. I don't know. However, give my respects to him. 
He shan't starve : tell him that. 

Soph. Nay, but take this in the meantime. 

Sul. Ay, take it, take it. [Exit Mrs. Ledger, -l. s. e.] 
And who are you. Miss Charity 1 

Soph. Me, sir] oh ! I — I am my grandma's grand-daugh 
ter. 

Sul. Humph ! 

Soph. Sophia Freelove. 

Sul. Oh ! — The Widow's daughter, by her first hus- 
band! 

Soph. Yes, sir. 

Re-enter Jenny, r. 

Sul. Where's your mistress T 

Jen. (r.) Coming, sir. ^o\ [To Sophia ?[ You have sto- 
len your mamma's purse, miss 1 



22 THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act il 

Soph. La, don't say so ; 1 only ran away with it ! Sho 
was bargaining for some smuggled lace with one of your 
acquaintance, and I thought 1 could dispose of her money 
to better advantage. 

Jen. Without her consent ? 

Soph. Yes, to be sure ; I knew I never should dispose of 
it in that manner with her consent. 

Jen. Well ! here comes your mamma. [Exit, l. 

Enter the Widow Warren, r., in a fantastic, girlish 
Morning -dress J surrounded by Milliners, Sfc, and their 
Attendants, with Band-boxes, all talking as they enter. 
Sophia humming a tune, and capering about in the back' 
ground. 

Widow, (r.) So you'll be sure not to forget my chapeau 
a-la-Prusse, Mr. Mincing ? 

Hatter, (u.) Certainly not, madam. 

Widow, (c.) And you'll make a delicate choice of the 
feathers 1 

Hatter. The selection will be elegant, madam. 

Widoiv. Yes, I know, Mr. Mincing, you're a charming 
man ! And you will let me have my pierrot a-la-Coblentz 
by nine in the morning, Mrs, Tiffany ] 

Mantua-maker, (r.) To a minute, ma'am. 

Sul. Madam, when you have a moment's leisure — 

Widow. Be quiet, you fright; don't interrupt me. — And 
my caraco a-la-hussar, and my bavaroises a-la-duchesse. 
And put four rows of pearl in my turban. 

Milliner. Ver veil, me ladyship. 

Widow. And you'll all come together exactly at nine % 

Omnes. We'll all be here ! 

Widow. And don't forget the white ermine tippets, and 
the black fox muffs, and the Kamschatka furs, that you 
mentioned, Mr. Weazel ! 

Furrier. I'll bring a fine assortment, madam. 

Widow. And, and, and — No ; no — you may all go ; — 
I can think of nothing else ; — I shall remember more to- 
morrow. 

Hatter, Furrier, Milliner, h^c. Thank you, madam ! — 
Very much obliged to you, ma'am ! — De vei good bon- 
jour to me ladyship. \Together — Exeunt, r. 



Scene I.] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 23 

Widow, (r.) What was it you were saying, Mr. Sulky 1 
— Pray, child, what have you done with my puree 1 

Sopk. Given it away, ma'. 

Widoiv. (r. c.) Given it away, minikin 1 

Soph. Yes, ma'. 

W'ido?v. (c.) Given my purse away 1 To whom 1 For 
what purpose 1 

Soph. (l. c.) La, ma', only — only to keep a poor woman 
from starving ! 

Widow. I protest, child, your grandmother has totally 
ruined you ! 

Sul. (c.) Not quite, madam ; she has left the finishing 
to you. 

Widow. What were you saying, Mr. Sulky? 

Sul. You won't give me leave to say anything, madam. 

Widow. You know you are a shocking troublesome 
man, Mr. Sulky ! I have a thousand things to remember, 
and can't bear teasing. It fatigues my spirits ! So pray 
relate this very urgent biisiness of yours in a single word. 
What would you have 1 

Sul. Justice. 

Widow. Lord, what do you mean 1 Do you think I am 
in the commission 1 

Sul. Yes, of follies innumerable ! 

Widoiv. You are a sad savage, Mr. Sulky ! And who 
is it you want justice for 1 

Sul. Your late husband's son, John Milford. 

Wid. Now pray don't talk to me 1 You are a very in- 
trusive person ! You quite derange my ideas ! I can 
think of nothing soft or satisfactory while you are present. 

Sul. Will you hear me, madam ? 

Widoiv. I can't ! I positively can't ! It is an odious 
subject. 

Sopk. Nay, ma', how can you be so cross with my bro- 
ther Milford ? 

Widow. Your brother, child 1 — Country education ! — 
How often, minikin, have I told you he was no brother of 
yours 1 

Soph. La, ma\ he was your husband's son ! 

Widow. Yes, his ba — Faugh ! — Odious word ! — Your 
brother ? 

Sovh. Yes, that he is ! For he is in distress. 



24 THE ROAD TO RUIN. 



[ICT I 



SuL Humph! 

Widow, (r.) And would you j?ow — you who pietend to 
be a very prudent — ridiculous kind of a person, wish to 
see me squander the wealth of ray poor dear little old 
dead man on Mr. Milford and his profligate companions 1 

SuL Not I, indeed, madam ; though the profligate to 
whom you make love should happen to be one of them ! 

Widow. Ha, ha, ha ! Oh, the monster ! I make love ! 
— You have no eyes, Mr. Sulky ! [ JValking about loitli a 
conceited ai?\] You are really blind ! But I know whom 
you mean. 

Sul. I mean young Dornton, madam. 

Widow. To be sure you do ! Whom could you mean 1 
Elegant youth ! Rapturous thought ! 

Soph. I am sure, sir, young Mr. Dornton is no profli 
gate ! 

SuL [Significantly.^ You are sure? 

Soph. Yes, that I am. 

Sul. Humph ! 

Soph. And it's very scandalous, very scandalous indeed, 
to say he is my ma's lover ! 

Sul. Humph ! 

Soph. Because he is a fine genteel young gentleman ; 
and you know ma' is — 

Widow, (c.) Pray, minikin, be less flippant with your 
tongue. 

Soph. Why, la, ma', you yourself know you are too — 

Wid. Go up to your chamber, child ! 

Soph. I am sure, ma', I say it is very scandalous to call 
the handsome Mr. Dornton your lover ! 

[Exitf skipjnng, r. 

Sul. (c.) Do you blush 1 

Widow, (r.) Blush, indeed! Blush 1 Ha, ha, ha! 
You are a very unaccountable creature, Mr. Sulky! — Blush 
at the babbling of a child? 

Sul. Who is your rival ! 

Widow. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I. My rival 1 The poor mi- 
nikin ! My rival 1 But I have a message for you ! Now 
do compose your features to softness and complacency ! 
Look pleasant if you can ! Smile for once in your life ! 

[Crosses to Sulki/, r. 

5"?//. Don't make love to me ! I'll have nothing to say 
to you ! 



SckneI.J THK road TO RUIN. 25 

Widow, (k.) Ha, ha, ha ! Love? 

SuL Yes, you make love to Dornton ! Nay, you make 
love to the booby Goldfinch ! Even I am not secure in 
your company! 

Widow. Ha, ha, ha ! You are a shocking being, Mr. 
Sulky ! But if you should happen to see Mr. Domton, 
do astonish your acquaintance ; do a good-natured thing, 
and tell him I am at home all the day. Love to you 1 
Ha, ha, ha I Oh, you figure ! You caricature of tender- 
ness ! You insupportable thing ! [Exit, r. 

Sul. [Sighs.\ Ah ! All labour in vain ! [C7-ossing. 

Entej- Jenny, l. 
Stand out of tHe way, girl ! \Exit, l. 

Jen. (c.) There she goes ! [Looking after the Widow.] 
That's lucky ! This way, sir ! 

Enter Harry J) ornt on, followed hy a Servant with hills in 
his hand, l. 

My mistress is gone up to her toilette, sir : but I can send 
you somebody you may like better ! [Exit, r. 

Har, (c.) Obliging abigail ! [Looking over his papers.^ 
'Sdeat.h ! What, all these tradesmen's bills ! 

Ser. All, sir. Mr. Smith sent me after you with them. 

Har. When were they brought 1 

Scr. Some last night, but most this morning. 

liar. Hi news travels fast, and lionesty is devilish indus- 
trious. Go round to them all, return their bills, and bid 
them come themselves to-day. Has Mr. Williams, the ho- 
siei', sent in his bill 1 

Ser. No, sir. 

Har. I thought as much ; tell him to come with the rest, 
and on his life not to fail. 

Ser. Very well. sir. [Exit, l. 

Enter Sophia, in high spirits, r. 

^oph. (r. c.) Oh, Mr. Dornton, T am glad to see you' 
Do you know, I've got the song by heart that you were so 
good as to teach me ! 

Har. And do you know, my charming Sophia, you are 
the most delightful, beautiful, bewitching scholar that ever 
took a lesson I 



26 THE KOAD TO RUIN. [Act II 

Soph. La, Mr. Dornton, I'm sure Vxn very stupid ! 

Har. That you are all intelligence, all grace, all wit! 

Soph. To be sure, my ma' caught me singing it, and she 
was pettish ; because, you know, it's all about love, and 
ends with a happy marriage 

Har. But why pettish ] 

Soph. La, 1 can't tell. I suppose she wants to have all 
the marriage in the world to herself! It's her whole talk! 
I do believe she'd be married every morning that she rises, 
if anybody would have her! 

Har. Think not of her, my sweet Sophia, but tell me — 

Sojyh. (c.) What] 

Har. I dare not ask. 

Soph. Why] 

Har. Lest I should offend you. 

Soph. Nay, now, Mr. Dornton, that is not right of you ) 
1 am never offended with anybody, and I am sure I should 
not be offended with you ! My grandma' always said I 
was the best-tempered girl in the world. — What is it ? 

Har. Were you'? [Taking her hand.] Did you ever 
know what it is to love 1 

Soph. La, now, how could you ask one such a question ? 
You know very well, one must not tell ! Besides, you 
know, too, one must not be in love ! 

Har. Why not ] 

Soph. Because — Because I'm but a girl. My grandma' 
has told me a hundred times, it's a sin for anybody to be 
in love before they be a woman grown, full one-and-tvven- 
ty ; and I am not eighteen ! 

Har. Love, they say, cannot be resisted. 

Soph. Ah, but I have been taught better ! — it may be 
resisted : nobody need be in love unless they like : and so 
I won't be in love, for I won't wilfully do amiss. No ! I 
won't love any person, though I should love them ever so 
dearly ! 

Har. [Aside.] Angelic innocence ! [Aloud.] Right, love- 
ly Sophia, guard your heart against seducers. 

Soph. Do you know it is full five weeks since Valentine's 
Day; and, because I'm not one-and-twenty, nobody sent 
me a Valentine ! 

Har. And did you expect one 1 

>'oph. Nay ! I can't say but 1 did think ! In Glouces- 



Scene I.] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 27 

tershire, if any young man happens to have a liking for a 
young woman, she is sure to hear of it on Valentine's Day. 
But perhaps Valentine's Day does not fall so soon here, as 
it does in the country. 

Har. Why, it is possible you may yet receive a Valen- 
tine. 

Soph. Nay, now, but don't you go to think that I am 
asking for one ; for that would be very wrong of me, and 
1 know better. My grandma' told me I must never men- 
tion nor think of such things till I am a woman, full one- 
and-twenty grown ; and that, if I were to find such a thing 
at ray window, or under my pillow, or concealed in a plum- 
cake — 

Har. A plum- cake % 

Soph. Yes, I assure you, I have heard of a Valentine 
sent baked in a plum-cake — and, indeed, I would not re- 
ceive such a thing for the world — no, not from the finest 
man on earth, if 1 did not think him to be a true and faith- 
ful, true, true lover ! 

Har. But how must he prove his faith and truth 1 

Soph. Why, first, he must love me very dearly ! — With 
all his heart and soul ! And then he must be willing to 
wait till I am one-and-twenty. 

Har. And would not you love in return 1 

Soph. N — yes, when 1 come to be one-and-twenty. 

Har. Not sooner 1 

Soph. Oh, no ! I must not ! 

Har. Surely, you might, if you pleased 1 

Soph, Oh, but you must not persuade me to that! If 
you do, I shall think you are a bad man, such as my grand- 
ma' warned me of! 

Har. And do you think me so 1 

Soph. Do I ? — No ! — I would not think you so for a 
thousand, thousand golden guineas I 

Har. [Aside.] Fascinating purity ! What am I about ] 
To deceive or trifle with such unsuspecting affection would 
indeed be villainy ! 

Goldfinch. \ Without^ l.] Is she above 1 must see her ! 

Soph, (l.) La, I hear that great, ridiculous, horse-joc- 
kej. Goldfinch, coming up ! [Signs.] Good bye, Mr. Dorn- 
ton. 

Har. (r ) Heaven bless you, Sophia ! — Sweet Sophia, 
Heaven bless you, my lovely angel ! heigho ! 



28 THE KOAD ro RUIN. [AcT II 

Soph. Hcigho ! 

Gold. [ WitJwut, L.] Is she here % ^ ^ 

Scr. [ Wiihoi/t, l.] I don't know, sir. 

Enter Goldfinch, l. 

Gold, (l.) Ha, my tight one ! 

Har. [Surveying kim.\ Well, Charles ? 

Gold. How you stare ! — an't I the go 1 that's your sort! 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Gold,. Where's the widow 1 

Har. Gone up to dress, and will not be down these 
two hours. 

Gold, (c.) A hundred to eighty, I'd sup up a string of 
twenty horses in less time than she takes to dress her fet- 
locks, plait her mane, trim her ears, and buckle on her 
body clothes ! 

Har. (c.) You improve daily, Charles! 

Gold. (l. c.) To be sure % that's your sort ! An't I a 
genus ? [Strutting about. 

Har. Quite an original ! — You may challenge the whole 
fraternity of the whip to match you 1 

Gold. Match me I Newmarket can't match me I — > 
That's your sort. [Struttirig. 

Har. Oh, no ! ha, ha, ha ! you are harder to match than 
one of your own pied ponies — a very different being from 
either your father or grandfather. 

Gold. Father or grandfather ! — Shakebags, both. 

Har. How I 

Gold, Father a sugar-baker, grandfather, a slop-seller: 
— I'm a gentleman — that's your sort I 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! and youi father was only a man of 
w'orth ' 

Gold. Kept a gig ! [Contemptuously.] Knew nothing of 
life ! never drove four 1 

Har. No, but he was a useful member of society. 

Gold. A usef— what's that ? 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! A pertinent question. 

Gold. A gentleman like me a useful member of society ! 
bet the long odds, nobody ever heard of such a thing ! 

Har. You have not acquired your character in the wojfld 
for nothing, Charles ! 

Gold. World ! what does the world say t 



Scene I.] THE ROAu TO RUIN. 2ij 

Har. Strange things. It says you have got into the 
hands of jockeys, Jews, and swindlers; and that, though 
old Goldfinch in his day was one of the richest men on 
'Change, his son will shortly become poorer than the poor- 
est black-leg at Newmarket. 

Gold. Damn the world ! 

Har. With all my heart, damn the world, for it says lit- 
tle better of me ! 

Gold. Bet you seven to five the Eclipse colts against the 
Highflyer, the second spring meeting. 

Har. No. — I have done with the Highflyer and Eclipse 
too. So you are in pursuit of the widow 1 

Gold. Full cry ; must have her. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! heigho ! you must ? 

Gold. All up with me else ! If I don't marry the wi- 
dow, I must smash ! I've secured the knowing one. 

Hur. Whom do you mean ; the maid ? 

Gold. Promised her a hundred on the wedding-day. 

Enter Jenny, r. 

Jen. My mistress can't see you at present, gentlemen. 

Gold. Can't see me ? [Vexed.] Take Harriet an airing 
in the phaeton. 

Har. What, is Harriet your favourite ? 

Gold. To be sure ; I keep her. 

Har. You do 1 [Jenny retires, l. 

Gold. Fine creature ! 

Har. Well bred ] 

Gold. Just to my taste ! Like myself, free and easy. 
That's your sort ! 

Har. A fine woman 1 

Gold. Prodigious ! Sister to the Irish Giant ! Six feet 
in her stockings ! — That's your sort ! — Sleek coat, flowing 
mane, broad chest, all bone ! Dashing figure in a phaeton ! 
— Sky-blue habit, scarlet sash, green hat, yellow ribands, 
white feathers, gold band and tassel ! — That's your sort ! 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! Heigho ! Why, you are a high fel- 
low, Charles ! 

Gold. To be sure ! know the odds — hold four in hand 
— turn a corner in style — reins in form — elbows square — 
wrist pliant — hayait ! — drive the Coventry stage twice a 
week all summer — pay for an inside place — mount the box 



30 THE ROAD TO RUIN. j;Act 11 

— tip the coachy a crown — beat the mail — come in full 
speed — rattle down the gateway — take care of your heads ! 
never killed but one woman and a child in all my life — 
that's your sort ! [Going to l. 

Jen. [Aside to GoldJi?ich.] Take him with you ! 

[Exit, L. 

Gold. Want a hedge ] Take guineas to pounds— Pre- 
cipitate against Dragon ? 

Har. No. 

Go/d. [Aside. \ Wish I could have him a few ! — odd oi 
even for fifty. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! odd enough. 

Gold. Will you cut a card, hide in the hat, chuck in the 
glass, draw cuts, heads or tails, gallop the maggot, swim 
the hedgehog, anything ] 

Har. Nothing. 

Gold. I'm up to all — that's your sort ! [Aside.] Get him 
with me and pigeon him. — Come and see my grays — been 
to Tattersall's and bought a set of six — smokers ! beat all 
England for figure, bone, and beauty ! Hayait, charmers ! 
that's your sort ! bid for two pair of mouse ponies for Har- 
riet ! 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! The Irish Giantess drawn by mouse 
ponies ! 

Gold. Come and see 'em. 

Har. No. — I am weary of the company of stable-boys. 

Gold. Why so 1 Shan't play you any tricks. If they 
squirt water at you, or make the colts kick you, tell me, 
and I'll horsewhip 'em — Arch dogs ! deal of wit ! 

Har. When they do, I'll horsewhip them myself. 

Gold. Yourself? 'Ware that ! — wrong there ! 

Har. I think I should be right. 

Gold. Do you ! what — been to school ? 

Har. To school ! why, yes — I — 

Gold. Mendoza ! oh! good morrow ! [Goingy l. 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! There goes one of my friends ! 
heigh o ! 

Enter MiLFORD, hastily, i.., followed by Goldfinch. 

Gold. What is it. Jack, tell me ! [Eagerly. 

Mil. (c.) Come, Harry ! we shall be too late ! they are 
about to begin ! we may have what bets we please ! 



ScE^^: I.] 



THE ROAD TO RUIN- 31 



Gohl. (c.) Where? wliat? 

Mil. The great match ! the famous Frenchman, and 
Will the Marker ! A thousand guineas a-side ! 

Gold. What, tennis 1 

Mil. Yes. The Frenchman gives fifteen and a bisk. 

Gold. To Will the marker? 

Mil. Yes. 

Gold. Will, for a hundred ! 

Mil. Done! 

Gold. Done, done ! 

Har. I bar the bet ; the odds are five to four already. 

Gold. What, for the Mounseer 1 

Har. Yes. 

Gold. I'll take it, five hundred to four. 

Hirr. Done ! 

Gold. Done, done ! 

Har. No, I bar ! — I forgot — I have cut. I'll nev€r bet 
another guinea. 

Mil. You do, for a hundred 1 

Har. Done ! 

Mil. Done, done! ha, ha, ha! 

Har, Pshaw ! 

Gold. What a cake ! 

Mil. But you'll go ? 

Har. No. 

Mil. Yes, you will. Come, come, the match is begun! 
everybody is there ! the Frenchman is the first player in 
the world ! 

Har. It's a noble exercise ! 

Mil. Ay ! Cato himself delighted in it. 

Har. (r. c.) Yes, it was much practised by the Romans. 

Gold. The Romans ! who are they % 

Har. Ha, ha, ha ! 

Mil, Ha, ha, ha ! — Will you go, or will you not, Har- 
ry ] 

Har. I can't, Jack. My conscience won't let me ! 

Mil. Pshaw ! Zounds, if we don't make haste, it will 
be all over ! 

Har. Do you think it will 1 — No — I won't — I must not. 

Mil. [Taking hold of him.] Come along, I tell you. 

Har No. 

Mil They have begun ! 



32 T»E F10\D TO iiur.Nf. 



[Act H, 



Gnld. Have they?— I'm off! [Exit, l. 

Jl/^/. [Still struggling with Ilamj.] What folly ! — come 
along. 

Har. No, I will not. 

Mil. [Leaving him and going. ^ Well, well, if you're so 
positive — 

Har. (l.) [Calling.] Stay, Jack ; stay— I'll walk up the 
street with you, but 1 won't go in. 

Mil. Double or quits the hundred that you won of me 
last night, you do ! 

Har. I don't, for a thousand! * 

Mil. [Without, L.] No, no, the hundred. 

Har. I tell, you, I won't ! I won't go in with you. 

Mil. Done, for the hundred ! 

Har. Done, done ! [Exeunt, L. 

Scene II. — The Parlour of the Tennis Court. — Markers 
discoi-ered, engaged tmfh Rackets and Balls. 

Sheriff's Officer, ttvo Followers^ and one of the Marhers^ 
L. — Shout. 

Marker. Hurrah ! 

Officer. Pray, is Mr. Milford in the court ? 
Mar. I'll bet you gold to silver, the Frenchman loses! 
hurrah ! [Exit, r. 

Enter Mr. Smith fro?n the Court, c. d. f. 

Mr. S. He is not there. 

Offi: Are you sure 1 

Mr. S. The crowd is very great, but I can neither see 
him nor any of his companions. 

Oj/i. Then he will not come. 

Mr. S. I begin to hope so ! 

0//i. [Examining his writ. \ "Middlesex fount — one thou- 
sand jmunds — Dornton against John Milford.''^ 

Mr. S. You must take none but substantial bail, [Shoyt.^ 
What a scene ! 

OJi.. He will not be bere. 

Mr. S. Heaven send ! * [Shout. 

Enter Goldfinch, l., and a Marker running across. 
Gold Is, the match beirun % 



KcKNr. II.] THK ROAD TO KUIN. 33 

Marker. The first game is just over. 

Gold. Who lost ] 

Marker. The Frenchman ! 

Gold. Hurrah ! 

Marker. Hurrah ! 

Gold. Damn the Mounseers ! — That's your sort. 

[Exit into the Court, in the hack scene, 
Mr. S. That's one of his companions. [Aside.] I begin 
to tremble ! — Stand aside ! Here they both come ! 
OJi. Which is he 1 
Mr. S. The second. [Shotit, c. D. P. 

Enter Harry Dornton and Milpord, in haste, l. 

Har. I hear them ! I hear them ! Come along ! 

Mil. Ha, ha, ha ! — Harry ! — You would not go ! — You 
were determined ! [Shout. 

Har. Zounds ! Come along ! 
[Exit in haste, c. d. p. — Milford follows him, laughing. 

OJi. [Stojyping him.] A word with you, sir, if you please. 

Mil. With me 1 Who are you % What do you want ? 

OJi. You are my prisoner. 

Mil. Prisoner ! Damnation ! Let me go. 

OJi. I must do my duty, sir. 

Mil. Here, here ! this is your duty. 

[ Taking out his purse 

Mr. S. [Advancing.] It must not be, sir. 

Mil. Mr. Smith ! — What ! at the suit of Dornton 1 

Mr. S. Yes, sir. 'Tis your own fault. Why do you 
lead his son to these places ? He heard you were to bring 
him here. 

Mil. Furies ! Marker \ [To a Servant passing.] Tell 
Harry Dornton to come to me instantly. 

Ser. Yes, sir. [Exit, c. d. f. — Shout. 

Mil. Zounds ! Let me but go and see the match ! 

Mr. S. You must not, sir. 

Enter Marker, m. d. 

Mil. [To another Marker.] Marker! 
Mar.- Sir \ 
Mil Who wins? 

Mar. The Frenchman has the best on't. 
Mil. Tell Harry Dornton I am here in trouble. De- 
sire him to come this moment. 



34 THE UOAD TO RUIN. 



Act 1 1 



Mar. Very well, sir. [ Exit, c. d. f. — Sfwvt. 

Mil. [To OJJir.er.] I'll give you ten guineas for five mi- 
nutes ! 

Mr. S. Take him aw^ay, sir. 

O^. You must come along, sir. 

3Iil. [ To a iMarkcr, returning, c. d. f.] Have you told 
him ? 

Mar. He can't come, sir. 

Mil. Very well, Harry ! very well ! \To Second Marker.] 
Well, sir 1 

Mar. He would not leave the court for a thousand 
pounds ! [Exit, c. d. p. 

OJi. Come, come, sir! [To his two Attendants.] Bring 
him along ! 

Mil. Hands off, scoundrels ! [Shout, c. d. f.] Fiends ! 

[Exeuntf l. 

Scene HI. — The House of Mr. Silky. — A Room of ^Busi- 
ness. — Ledger, Letter-Jilc, Inkstand, Sfc. 

Silky discovered, and Jacob entering, l. 

Sil. (l. c.) Well, Jacob ! Have you been 1 

Jac. (r.) Yes, sir. 

Sil. Well, and what news ] How is he ? Very bad 1 

Jac. Dead, sir. 

Sil [Eagerly.] Dead '( 

Jac. As Deborah ! 

Sil. [Aside.] I'm a lucky man ! [Aloud.] Are you sure 
he is dead, Jacob 1 

Jac, (r. c.) I saw him with my own eyes, sir. 

Sil. That's right, Jacob ! I'm a lucky man ! And 
what say the people at the hotel '? Do they know who he 
is? 

Jac. Oh, yes, sir ! He was rich ! A gentleman in his 
own country ! 

Sil. And did you take care they should not know you 1 

Jac. To be sure, sir ! You had given me my Lesson ! 

Sil. Ay, ay, Jacob ! That's right ! — You are a fme 
boy ! Mind me, and I'll make a man of you ! And you 
think they had heard nothing of his having called on me 1 

Jac. Not a word ! 

Sil. [Aside.] It was a lucky mistake ! — Well, Jacob ! 



Scr.NElII.] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 35 

Keep close ! Don't say a word, and I'll give you — I'll 
give you a crown ! 

Jac. You promised me a guinea, sir. 

8il. Did I, Jacob ] did n Well, well ! I'll give you a 
guinea ! But be close ! Did you call at the Widow War- 
ren's ] 

Jac. Yes, sir. 

Sil. And will she see me 1 

Jac. She desires you will be there in an hour. 

^il. Very well, Jacob. Keep close ! Not a word about 
the foreign gentleman, or his having been here a week 
ago, or his being taken suddenly ill and dying ! [^*2^e,] 
It is a lucky stroke ! — Close, Jacob, my boy ! 

Jac. But give me the guinea, sir ! 

^il. What, now, Jacob % 

Jac. If you please, sir. You may forget — 

Sil. Well, there, Jacob ; there ! You'll be a rich man, 
Jacob ! a cunning fellow ! I read it in your countenance, 
Jacob ! Close, Jacob, and then— 

Jac. Perhaps you'll give me another guinea 1 

Sil. W^ell said, Jacob ! you'll be a great man. Mind 
what I say to you, and you'll be a great man ! yKnocking^ 
R.] Here's somebody coming ! go, Jacob ! close ! 

Jac. And another guinea % [Exitf r. 

Sil. This is a lucky stroke ! 

Enter Goldfinch, r. 

So, Mr. Goldfinch ! what do you want 1 

Gold. Money — a thousand pounds directly. 

Sil. (c.) Fine talking, Mr. Goldfinch ! money's a scarce 
commodity ! times are ticklish ! 

Gold. (r. c.) Tellee, I must have it. 

Sil. Give me but good security, and you know I'm your 
friend. 

Gold. Yes, good security and fifty per cent ! 

Sil. Why, look you there, now ! for all you know the 
last annuity I had of you, I gave a full hundred more than 
was offered by your friend, Aaron, the Jew ! 

Gold. My friend ] your friend ! you collogue together ! 

Sil. Hear you, now ! for all you know I have always 
been your friend — always supplied you with money, have 
not 1 1 and, when I saw you were running to ruin, I ne- 



thl: road to kuin. 



[Act II. 



ver told you of it, did I ? I was willing to make all things 
easy ! 

GoW. Easy enough ! you have pretty well eased me ! 

Sil. There is your companion, Jack Milford ; I shall be 
a heavy loser by him ! 

Gold. Ah ! It's all up with poor Jack ! he's fixed at 
last! 

Sil. What do you mean ] 

Gold. Old Dornton has sent the Nab-man after him ! 

Su. And arrested him ? 

Gold. Yes, he's touched ! 

Sil. [ CrosseSy r., and calls.] Jacob ! 

Enter Jacob, r. 

Run as fast as you can to my good friend, Mr. Strawshoe, 
the attorney, and tell him to take out detainers for all the 
debts I have bought up against Mr. Milford ; make haste ! 

Jac. Yes, sir, [Exit, r. 

Gold. 1 thought you were Jack Milford's friend, too ! 

Sil. So I am, Mr. Goldfinch ! but I must provide for 
my family ! 

Gold. Come, come ! — The bit ! tellee I want the coal, 
directly ! Sale at Tattersall's to-morrow morning ! three 
pot-eight-o' brood mares, with each an Eclipse colt ! 
would not lose 'em for all Lombard Street — so will you 
let me have the bit 1 

Sil. Dear, dear ! I tell you, I can't, Mr. Goldfinch ! 

Gold. Then some other Jew must. [Crosses, r. 

Sil. (l. c.) Jew ! hear you ! hear you ! this is to be the 
fi'iend of an ungrateful spendthrift ! Calls me Jew ! T, 
who go to morning prayers every day of my life, and three 
times to tabernacle on a Sunday ! 

Gold. (r. c.) Yes ! you cheat all day, tremble all night, 
and act the hypocrite the first thing in the morning. 

[Going, r. 

Sil. Nay, but stay, Mr. Goldfinch ! stay ! I want to 
talk to you ! I have a scheme to make a man of you ! 

Gold. What ! bind me 'prentice to an usurer. 

Sil. Psha! you are iii pursuit of the Widow Warren ? 

Go/d. Well. 

Sil. Now, what will you give me, and I'll secure her to 
you 1 



Sc^,^'KIrI.] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 37 

Gold. Youl 

Sll I. 

Gold. Which way] 

Sil. I have a deed in my power, — I won't tell you what, 
but 1 have it, by which 1 can make her marry the man I 
please, or remain a widow all her life ; and that I am sure 
she will never do if she can help it. 

Gold. You a deed 1 

Sil. Yes, I. 

Gold. Show it me. 

Sil. Not for twenty thousand pounds ! — Depend upon 
me, 1 have it ! I tell you I'm your friend, and you shall 
have her ; that is, on proper conditions. — If not, Mr. Gold- 
finch, you shall not have her. 

Gold. Indeed, Old Judas ; well, what are your condi- 
tions ? 

Sil. I find the late alderman died worth a hundred and 
fifty thousand pounds ! 

Gold. Ay! 

Sil. Every farthing, Mr. Goldfinch ! and my conscience 
tells me that, risk, and character, and all things consider- 
ed, I must come in for my thirds. 

Gold. Y^our conscience tells you that ! 

Sil. Yes, it does, Mr. Goldfinch ; — fifty thousand is a 
fair price. 

Gold. For the soul of a miser. 

Sil. If you'll join me, say so. 

Gold. Fifty thousand ! 

*S//. Not a farthing less ! What, will there not be a 
hundred thousand remxainingl 

Gold. Why, that's true ! — It will cut a fine dash ! 

Sil. To be sure it will ! Come with me ; I'll draw up 
a sketch of an agreement. After which, we must fight 
cunning. The widow is a vain, weak woman. — You must 
get her written promise. 

Gold. Written? 

Sil. Under her own hand ; with a good round penalty 
in case of forfeiture. 

Gold. Well said, old one. 

Sil. Not less than twenty thousand pounds ! A jury 
would grant half 

Gold. Damme, you're a good one ! 
D 



38 THE ROAD TO KUIN. 



[Act II: 



Sil. That would secure something, and we would snack. 

GoIJ. Damme ! you're a deep one ! 

Sil. Ah, ha, ha, ha ! Do you think I am, Mr. Goldfinch ] 
—'Signed on a stamp ! 

Gold. You know a thing or two ! 

Sil. Ah, ha, lia, ha ! Do you think T do, Mr. Goldfinch ? 

Gold. You can teach 'em to bite the bubble ! 

Sil. Ah, ha, ha, ha ! You joke, Mr. Goldfinch, you 
joke ! 

Gold. But the devil will have you at last ! 

Sil. Lord forbid, Mr. Goldfinch! Don't terrify me! 
I hate the devil, Mr. Goldfinch; indeed 1 do I 1 hate tlie 
name of him ! Heaven keep me out of his fiery clutches ! 

Gold. No : he has you safe enough. Bait his trap but 
with a o-uinea, and he is sure to find you nibbling. 

Sil. Don't talk about the devil, Mr. Goldfinch ! Pray 
don't! But think about the Widow: secure her. 

Gold. I must have the coal, though, this evening. 

Sil. Don't lose a moment, Mr. Goldfinch. 

Gold. Must not lose the Eclipse colts ! 

Sil. Pshaw, Mr. Goldfinch, think less of the colts, and 
more of the widow ! Get her pi'omise in black and white. 

[Goldjinch going, n. 

Gold. [Turns hack.] Tellee, I must have 'em. 

SiL All will then be safe. 

Gold. Must have 'em. [Exeunt^ l. 

END OP ACT II. 



i^C T III. 

Scene I. — The House of the Widozv Warren. 
Enter Jenny and Sophia, r. 

Jen. (c.) Oh, Miss! I have got something for you. 

Soph. (r. c.) Something for me ! What is it I What 
is it] 

Jen. [Holding her hand, behind her.] What will yo j give 
mel 

Sojjh. Oh. I'll give you — [Feeling in her jjochef.] La, 



Sce:;e I.j THE ROA.D TO RUIN. 39 

I've got no money ! But I'll give you a kiss and owe you 
sixpence. 

Jen. No. A shilling without the kiss. 

Soph. Well, well, a shilling. 

Jen. There, then, \Giving her a small parcel. 

Soph. La! what is it ? [Reads.] To Miss ISophia Free- 
love. And such a beautiful seal ! It is a pity to break it. 
[Ope/ling the paper.] La! Nothing but a plum-cake ! 

Jen. Is that all '? 

Soph. [Consideri7ig.] Ecod ! — Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! I do 
think — As sure as sixpence, it is ! — It is ! — 

Jen. Is what 1 

Soph. Oh, la, it is ! 

Jen. What's the matter with the girl? 

Soph. Ecod, Jenny, it is the most curious plum-cake 
you ever saw ! 

Jen. I see nothing curious about it! 

Soph, (r.) [Kneelvig.] Oh, but you shall see 1 Give me 
a knife ! — Oh, no, that will spoil all ! — Look you, Jenny, 
look ! — Do but look ! [Breaks open the cake andjinds a Va- 
lentine enclosed.] Ha, ha, ha, ha ! I told you so ! The 
sweet, dear — ! [Kisses it.] Did you ever see such a plum- 
cake in your whole life, Jenny % — And look here ! \^Open- 
i?ig the Vale?ttine.] Oh, how beautiful ! — The shape of a 
honey-suckle ! — What should that mean 1 — And two doves 
cooing ! But here ! — Here's the writing : 

" The woodbine sweet, and turtle dove. 
Are types of chaste and faithful love. 
Ah ! were such peace and truth but mine, 
I'd gladly be your Valentine !" 

[Repeating.] Were such peace and truth but mine ! 
La, now, Mr. Dornton, you know they are yours ! 

Jen. So, so ! Mr. Dornton sends you valentines, Miss! 

So2?h. Oh, yes, .lenny ! He is the kindest, sweetest, 
handsomest gentleman ! 

Jen. You must give me that valentine. Miss. 

Soph. Give it you ! 

Jen. Yes, that I may show it your mamma. 

Soph. Indeed ! but don't you think it ! I would not 
give you this tiny bit of paper, — no, not for a diamond as 
big — as big as the whole world ! — And if you were to take 
it from ne, I'd never love vou, nor forgive you, as long as 
1 live ! 



40 THK ROAD TO IlUIN. [Aci III 

Jen. Oh ! but indeed, Miss, I'm not obliged to keep se- 
crets for nothing ! 

Soph. Nay, Jenny, you know I am very good to you. 
And here ! — Here ! Don't tell ma', and I'll give you this 
silver thimble. 

\^Exit Jenny, l. — Sophia retires to the background. 

Enter Widow Warren and Mr. Sulky, l. 

Widow. ^R.) You are a very shocking person, Mr. Sul- 
ky ! — The wild man of the woods broke loose ! Do re- 
turn to your keeper, good orang-outang; and don't go 
about to terrify children ! 

Sul. I tell you, madam, Mr. Milford is arrested. 

Soph. My brother? 

SuL Locked up at a bailiff's in the next street. 

Soph. Oh, dear ! 

Widow, (c.) And pray, now, what is that to me 1 

Sul. Madam! 

Widow. I am not arrested. 

Sul. Would you were ! 

Widow. Oh, the savage ! 

Sul. The pitiless only should feel pain. The stony- 
hearted alone should be enclosed by walls of stone. 

Soph. [Comes forward on i..\ Don't be cross with ma', 
sir : I'm sure she'll release my brother. 
Widow. You are sure, minikin 1 

Soph. (l. c.) Yes, ma' ; for I am sure, no soul on earth 
would suffer a fellow-creature to lie and pine to death, 
in a frightful, dark dungeon, and fed with bread and wa- 
ter ! 

Sul. (r. c.) Your late husband recommended the pay- 
ment of his son's debts. 

Widow. Recommended ? 

SuL Yes. 

Widow, But leaving it to my own prudence. 

Sul. M ore's the pity. 

Widow. Which prudence I shall follow. 

Sul. It will be the first time in your life — You never yet 
followed prudence, you always ran before it. 

Soph. Nay, come, dear ma' ; I am sure you have a pi- 
tiful heart ; I am sure you could not rest in your bed if 
my poor brothei- was in prison. 



Scf.N,:!.] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 41 

AV'uloiv. Hold your prattle, child. 

Soph. Ah, T. am sure you'll make him happy, and pay 
his debts. 

Widoiv. Why, Jenny \ [Galling, 

Sid. You won't 1 

Enter Jenny, r. 

Soph. La, dear sir, have patience — 

SuL \ To Soph. \ You are an angel! [To Widow.] And 
yott are — [Exit, l. 

Soph. Nay, pray, sir, do stay ! [Exit, following. 

Widow. I am glad the monster is gone ; he is a very 
intolerable person. — Pray, Jenny, hov/ did it happen that 
Mr. Dornton went away without seeing me 1 

E?Ucr Servant and Silky, l. 

Ser. Mr. Silky, madam. 

Widow. Leave us, Jenny. [Jenny exits, r.] So, Mr. Sil- 
ky, — What is this very urgent business of yours ? 

S'd. (l.) [Looking cautiously round. \ Are we safe, ma- 
dam ] Will nobody interrupt us ; nobody overhear us 1 

Widow, (c.) No, no. — But what is the meaning of all 
this caution ] 

Sil. [ Carefully drawing the will from his pocket.] Do you 
know this hand- writing, madam \ [Both sit.' 

Widow. Ah ! — It is my poor old dear man's, 1 see. 

Sil. You have heard of a will he left in France 1 

Widow. Pshaw ! Will, indeed ! He left no will. 

Si/. Yes, he did, madam. 

Widow. I won't believe it ! He loved me too well to 
rob me of a single guinea ! Poor simple soul ! I was his 
darling ! 

Sd. His darling, madam 1 — With your permission, I 
will just read a single clause, in which his darling is men- 
tioned ! Look, madam, it is the alderman's hand ! [Reads.] 
*' But as I have sometimes painfully suspected the exces- 
sive affection which my said wife, Winifred Warren, pro- 
fessed for me during my decline, and that the solemn pro- 
testations she made never to marry again, should she sur- 
vive me, were both done with sinister views, it is my will 
that, should she marry, or give a legal promise of mar- 
rian^e, v/ritten or verbal, that she shall be cut off with an 



42 THE ROAD TO RUIX. ["Act III. 

annuity of six hunflred a year : and the residue of my ef- 
fects in that ease to be equally divided between iny natu- 
ral son, John Milford, and my wife's daughter, Sophia 
Freelove.' 

Widow. Six hundred a year ! An old dotard ! brute ! 
monster ! I hate him now as heartily as when he was 
alive ! Bat pray, sir, how came you by this will 1 

Sil. Why, it was odd enough ! and yet easy enough ! 
My name is Silky, madam — 

Widow. Well] 

Sil, And you know the executor's name is Sulky — 

Widow. Wein 

Sil. The gentleman that delivered it only made a mis- 
take of a letter, and gave it to Mr. Silky instead of Mr. 
Sulky. 

Widoiv, And where is that gentleman 1 

Sil. Ah, poor man — He is dead ! 

Widoiv. Dead? 

Sil. And gone. — 

Widow. And does Mr. Sulky know of this will being 
delivered 1 

Sil. Not a syllable ; it's all close and smooth. 

Widoiv. So much the better. Come, give it me, and— 

Sil. Excuse me there, madam ; I can't do that. 
• Wido?v. Why so 1 

Sil. My conscience won't let me; I must provide for my 
family. 

Wido2v. And pray, what provision is this will to make 
for your family, Mr. Silky 'i 

Sil. Why, madam, I have a proposal. — You Know the 
power of your own charms 1 

Widoiv. Which, I believe, is more than you do, Mr. Sil- 
Ky— 

Sil. Hah ! Don't say so, madam ; — Don t say so ! 
Would I were a handsome, rich, and well-born youth : — 
But you know Mr. Goldfinch 1 — Ah, ha, ha, ha ! I could 
tell you a secret ! 

Widow. What, that he is dying for me, I suppose ] 

Sil. Ah ! — So smitten ! — Talks of nothing else ! 

Wido2v. And is that any secret, think you 1 

Sil. The alderman, I find, died worth more than a plum 
an.l a half — 



SCFWE I.] 



THE ROAD TO RUIN. 43 



Widow. Weill 

Sil. i have talked the matter over with my friend, Mr. 
Goldfinch, and he thinks it but reasonable, that for a secret 
of so much importance, which would almost sweep the 
whole away, I should receive one-third. 

Widow. Fifty thousand pounds, Mr. Silky ? 

SiL 1 can't take less. 

Widow. Why, you are a greater rogue than even I 
thought you ! 

Sil. Lord, madam, it's no roguery ; it's only a know- 
ledge of the world ; a young husband, with a hundred 
thousand pounds, or poor six hundred a-year, without any 
husband ! 

Widow. You are a very shocking old miser, Mr. Silky ; 
a very repulsive sort of a person ; what heart you had is 
turned to stone ; you are insensible of the power of a 
pair of fine eyes ! But I have made a conquest that 
places me beyond your reach — I mean to marry Mr. 
Dornton. 

Sil. [Rising surprised.] What ! old Mr. Dornton, ma- 
dam 1 

Widoio. [Rising.] Old Mr. Dornton, man ! I never saw 
the figure in my life — no ! The gay and gallant young 
Mr. Dornton ! the pride of the city, and the lawful monarch 
of my bleeding heart ! 

Sil. Ha, ha, ha ! young Mr. Dornton ! 

Widow. So you may take your will and light your fires 
with it ; you will not make a penny of it in any other way. 
Mr. Sulky, the executor, is Mr. Dornton's partner, and 
when I marry Mr. Dornton, he will never inflict .the ab- 
surd penalty. 

Sil. Ha, ha, ha ! No, madam ! when you marry Mr. 
Dornton, that he certainly never will ! but if any accident 
should happen to prevent the match, you will then let me 
hear from you % 

Widow. Lord, good man ! don't mention the horrid 
idea ! do leave me to my delightful meditations ! I would 
indulge in soft sensibility and dreams of bliss ; and not be 
disturbed by dead men's wills, or the sordid extortions of 
an avaricious old rogue ! 

Sil. Very well, madam ! the secret for the present re- 
mains between ourselves. You'll be silent for your own 



44 THC llOAD TO RUIN. 



[Act I LI 



sake ! only remember, ha, ha, ha ! if you should want me, 
I live at number forty. My name is on the door. Ha, 
ha, ha! Mr. Dojnton ! Good morning, madam ! [Going, 
L.] Mr. Dornton ! ha, ha, ha I you'll send if you should 
want me 1 [Exit laughing, l. 

Widow. Jenny! [Calling, 

Enter Jenny, r. 

Jen. Ma'am ! 

Widow. As I was saying, Jenny, pray, how did it hap- 
pen that Mr. Dornton went away without seeing me ? 

Jen. Indeed, ma'am, I don't know. 

Widow. Cruel youth ! 

Jen. I'm sure, ma'am, I wonder how you can like him 
better than Mr, Goldfinch. 

Widow. Mr. Goldfinch is very well, Jenny; but Mr. 
Dornton ; oh, incomparable ! 

Jen. I'm sure, ma'am, if I was a rich lady, and a hand- 
some lady, and a fine lady, like you, I should say Mr. Gold- 
linch for my money. 

Widow. Should you, Jenny 1 Well, I don't know. 

[Languishing. 

Goldfinch. [Without, L.] Tellee I must see her ! 

Widow. As I live, here he comes ; — he is such a bois- 
terous person ! How do I look, Jenny % 

Jen. [Jifter examining.\ You had better go up to your 
toilette for a minute. 

Widow. That smooth-tongued old extortioner has put 
me into such a fluster. — Don't let him go, Jenny. 
Jen. Never fear, ma'am. 

Widow. I'll not stay too long. [Exit^ r. 

Enter Goldfinch, l., his clothes dirtied by a fall. 

Gold, (l.) Here 1 am — all alive. 
Jen. (c.) Dear; what's the matter ? 
Gold. (l. c.) Safe and sound ; fine kick up ! 
Jen. Have you been thrown 1 

Gold. Pitched five-and-twenty fret into a ditch — souse 
Jen. Dear me ! 

Gold. Pretty commence ; no matter — limbs whole — 
heart sound — thnt's your sort! 
Jen. Whore di 1 it happen "? 



iJCENE I.j THK UOAl) TO RUIN. 45 

Gold. Bye-road — back of Islington — had them tight in 
hand, too — came to short turn and a narrow lane — up flew 
a damned dancing-master's umbrella — bounce — off they 
went — road repairing — wheelbarrow in the way — crash 
— out flew I — whiz — fire flashed — lay stunned — got up — 
looked foolish — shafts broke — Snarler and Blackguard 
both down — Black-and-all-black paying away — pannels 
smashed — traces cut — Snarler lamed ! 

Jen. Terrible ! 

Gold. Damned mad ! — cursed a few, cut up Black-and- 
all-black, horsewhipped Tom, took coach, and drove hero 
like a devil in a whirlwind. 

Jen. 'Tis very well your neck's not broke. 

Gold. Little stiff" — no matter — damn all dancing-mas- 
ters and their umbrellas ! 

Jen. You had better have been here, Mr. Goldfinch. 
You stand so long, shilly shally, that you'll be cut out at 
last. If you had but a licence now in your pocket, I'd 
undertake to have you married in half an hour. 

Gold. Do you think so 1 

Jen. Think ! I'm sure on't. 

Gold. Damme, I'll post away and get one — must not 
lose her ; the game's up, if I do ! — must have her I — be 
true to me, and I'll secure you the hundred. I'll be back 
from the Commons in a smack. \Kxit Jenny ^ l. 

Enter Widow Warren, r. 

Ah, Widow ! here am I ! 

\^uns to her, lusscs her eagerly^ and. dirties her clothes. 

Widow, (r.) I protest, Mr. Goldfinch I — was ever the 
like ! [Looking at herself. 

Gold, (c) Never mind, brush off" — I'm the lad ! — been 
to Hatchet's — bespoke the wedding-coach. 

Widow. But — Sir — 

Gold. Pannels stripe painted — hammer-cloth fringed — 
green and white — curtains festooned — patent wheels — sil- 
ver furniture — all flash — light as a bandbox — trundle and 
spin after ray grays like a tandem down hill — pass — show 
'em the road — whurr — whizz-gig — that's your sort ! 

Widoic. It vvi]] be superb! 

Gold. Superb! [With amtempt] Tellee it will be tie 
thing ! — the go — the st;ire — the gape — the gaze ! — the rich 



46 THE KOAD TO RUIN. [Act III. 

widow and the tight one ! — there they go — that's your 
sort — I'm the boy that shall drive you ! 

Widow. Pardon me, Mr. Goldfinch ; if a certain event 
were, by the wise disposition of Providence, to take place, 
I should think proper to drive. 

GoJd. You drive ! If you do, damme ! 

Widow. Sir ! 

Gold. Pm christened and called Charles — Charles Gold- 
finch — the knowing lad that's not to be had — winter and 
summer — fair weather and foul — low ruts or no ruts — 
never take a false quarter. No, no, widow — I drive — 
hayit — ah ! ah ! — get on — St — St — touch Whitefoot on 
the flank — tickle Snarler in the ear — cut up the Yelper — 
take out a fly's eye — smack, crack — that's your sort ! 

Widow. I assure you, Mr. Goldfinch, you entertain very 
improper suppositions concerning — 

Gold. Go for the licence. [Going, 

Widow. Nay, but surely, Mr. — 

Gold. Go for the licence — resolved — taken it here. 

[Pointing to his forehead. 

Widow. If retrospect and — and affection threw no other 
obstacles in the way — yet the — the world — prudence — 

Gold,. The world ! — prudence ! — damn the world — 
damn prudence ! 

Widow. Oh, but, sir — 

Gold. The world nor nobody else has nothing to do with 
neither your prudence nor mine — we'll be married imme- 
diately — 

Widow. Immediately, Mr. Goldfinch % I — 

G(dd.. What, you won't % 

Widow. Nay, Mr. Goldfinch — I — do not — absolutely 
renunciate — but I — wish— 

Gold. It was over — know you do — go for the licence — 

Widow. Pray, dear Mr. Goldfinch — 

Gold. Go for the licence, I tellee — 

Widow. Only a word — 

Gold. To the wise — I'm he — go for the licence — that's 
your sort ! [Exit, i.. 

Widow. Mr. Goldfinch — I declare — 

I Exit, following, l. 



o^v.fEll.] THE KOAD TO KL'iN. 47 

Scene II. — Dornion's House. 
Enter Mr. Dornton and Mr. Smith, r 

Dor. (r.) Still the same hurry, the same crowd, Mr 
Smith 1 

Mr. S. (r.) Much the same, sir : the house never expe- 
rienced a day like this ; Mr. Sulky thinks we shall never 
get through. 

Dor. Is Milford taken] 

Mr. S. Yes, sir. 

Dor. Unprincipled prodigal ! my son owes his niin to 
him alone. But he shall suffer. 

Mr. S. My young master's tradesmen are waiting. 

Dor. Bid them come in. [Ex/'t Smith, l.| All my own 
fault, my own fond folly : denied him nothing, encouraged 
him to spend ; and now — 

Re-enter Mr. Smitu^ /olio wed hy upwards of twenty Trades- 
men, L., who stand across background, 

Mr, S, (c.) This way, gentlemen. 

Dor. (c.) Zounds, what an army ! — a vile, thoughtless 
profligate ! 

Enter Clerk, l. 

Clerk. \ To Dornton.] You are wanted in the counting- 
house, sir. 

Dor. Very well. I'll be with you in a moment, gentle- 
men — abandoned spendthrift ! 

\ Exit, followed, hi/ .Mr. Smith, l. 

First T. I don't like this ! what does this mean 1 

Second T. Danger ! 

Third T. He has been a good customer — none of your 
punctual paymasters, that look over their accounts. 

First T. Oh, a different thing ! nothing to be got by 
tlism — always take care to affront them. 

Second T. Perhaps it is a trjck of the old "-entieman to 
mspect into our charges. 

Third T. I don't like that : rather hear of any tax than 
of taxii),(T 5T)y bill. 

First T. Humph ! tradesmen be,2;in to uiulei-stand these 
ihintrs, aud allow a reasonable profit. 



48 THE HOAl) TO IIUIN. (_AcT III. 

Second T. Can't have less than fifty per. cent for retail 
credit trade ! 

Third T. To be sure not ; if a man would Hve in style, 
and have a fortune, as he ought. 

First T. Hush ! mind — all devilish hard run. 

Omnes. Certainly. 

First T. Not a guinea in the house ; to-morrow's Sa- 
turday — Hem ! 

Re-enter Mr. Dornton, l. 

Dor. Your servant, gentlemen, your servant. — Pray, 
how happens it that you bring your accounts in here ] 

First T. We received notice, sir. 

Dor. You have none of you any demands on me ! 

First T. Happy to serve you, sir. 

Second T. We shall be glad of your custom, sir. 

Omnes. All ! all ! 

Dor. And do you come expecting to be paid ? 

First T. Money, sir, is always agreeable ! 

St'co?id T. Tradesmen find it a scarce commodity ! 

Third T. Bills come round quick ! 

Fourth T. Workmen must eat ! 

Second T. For my part, 1 always give a gentleman, who 
is a gentleman, his own time. 

Dor. I understand you ! And what are you, sir, who 
seem to stand apart from the rest 1 

Hosier. [Advancins^, r.] A hosier, sir. I am unworthy 
the company of these honest gentlemen, who live in style. 
I never affrojjt a punctual paymaster, not I ; and, what 
they will think stiange, I get more by those wlio do look 
over their bills than those who do not ! 

First T. Humph ! ) 

Second T. Blab ! \ [Aside.] 

TkirdT. Shab! \ 

Dor. And what may be the amount r)f your bill, sir? 

Hosier. A trifle, for which I have no right to ask. 

Dor. No right ! what do you mean 1 

Hosier. Your son, sir, made me what 1 am; redeemed 
me and my family from ruin ; and it v/ould be an ill re- 
quital of his goodness to come here, like a dun, at such a 
time as this ; when T would rather, if that could help him, 
give him every shilling I have in the woj'ld. 



ScEJ^E II. j THE ROAD TO KUIN. 49 

Dor. Would you ? would you 1 \Greatly affected. \ You 
look like an lionest man ! But what do you here, then ] 

Hosier. Mr. Dornton, sir, knew I should be unM'illing to 
come, and sent me word he would never speak to me 
more if I did not ; and, rather than offend him, 1 would 
even come here on business like this. 

Dor. \ Shaking him hy the hand.\ You are an honest 
fellov\' ! an unaccountable ! — and so, Harry has been your 
friend 1 

Hosier. Yes, sir : a liberal-minded friend ; for he lent 
me money, though I v/as sincere enough to tell him of his 
faults. 

Dor. Zounds, sir! how came you to be a weaver of 
stockings ! 

Hosier. I don't know, sir, how I came to be at all; I 
only know that here I am. 

Dor. A philosopher ! 

Hosier. 1 am not fond of titles, sir ; I'm a man. 

Dor. Why, is it not a shame, now, that the soul of So- 
crates should have crept and hid itself in the body of a 
stocking-weaver 1 Give me your bill. 

Hosier. Excuse me, sir. 

Dor. Give me your bill, I tell you ! I'll pay this bill 
myself. 

Hosier. I cannot, must not, sir. 

Dor. Sir, I insist on — [All press forward. 

Enter Harry Dornton, l. 

So, sir ! [Turning angrily round.] Why have you assem- 
bled these people, into whose debt you have dishonestly 
run, wanting the power to pay : and who have as disho- 
nestly trusted you, hoping to profit exorbitantly by your 
extravagance ? 

Har. (l.) Oh, sir, you don't know them ! They are a 
very complaisant, indulgent kind of people ? Are not you, 
gentlemen 1 

First T. Certainly, sir, 

Omnes. Certainly. 

Har. (c.) Be kind enough to wait a few minutes with- 
out, my very good friends. [Eoceunt Trndesmcn, \..\ Mr. 
Williams — \Takes his JkduI. 

Dor. (r.) How dare you introduce this svv^arm of locusts 
tier« 1 How dare you ? 



50 THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act III. 

Har. (l. c.) [ With continued good liumour.\ Despair, sir, 
is a dauntless hero. 

Dor. Have you the effrontery to suppose that I can or 
shall pay them ] What is it you mean % 

Har. To let you see I have creditors. 

Dor. Cheats ! bloodsuckers ! 

Har. Some of them : but that is my fault. They must 
be paid. 

Dor. Paid! 

Har. The innocent must not suffer for the guilty. 

Dor. You will die in an almshouse ! 

Har. May be so ; but the orphan's and the widow's 
curse shall not meet me there. 

Dor. Harry ! Zounds ! Paid ! Whom do you mean 
to rob ? 

Har. My name is Dornton, sir. 

Dor. Are you not — \Overpowered with his feelings. 

Har. Yes, sir. 

Dor. Quit the room ! Begone ! 

Har. You are the best of men, sir, and I — But I hate 
whining. Repeutance is a pitiful scoundrel, that never 
brought back a single yesterday. Amendment is a fellow 
of more mettle. But it is too late. Suffer I ought, and 
suffer I must. My debts of honour discharged, do not let 
my tradesmen go unpaid. 

Dor. You have ruined me ! 

Har. The whole is but five thousand pounds. 

Dor. But 1 — The counter is loaded with the destruction 
you have brought upon us all. 

Har. No, no — I have been a sad fellow, but not even 
my extravagance can shake this house. 

Enter Mr. Smith, l., in consternation. 

Mr. S. Bills are pouring in so fast upon us, we shall 
never get through ! 

Har. [ With astonishment.] What ? What ? 

Mr. S. We have paid our light gold so often over, that 
the people are very surly ! 

Dor. Pay it no more ! Sell it instantly for what it is 
worth, disburse the last guinea, and shut up the doors ! 

Har. \To Mr. Smith.] Are you serious? 

Blr. S. Sir ! 



Scene II.] THE ROAD TO IIUIN. 51 

Har. [Impatiently.] Are you serious, I say? Is it not 
some trick to impose upon me 1 

iVTr. S. Look into the shop, sir, and convince yourself! 
If we have not a supply in half an hour, we must stop ! 

[Exit, L. 

Har. [WiJdly.] My father! Sir! [Turning away.] Is 
it possible 1 Disgraced 1 Ruined ? In reality ruined 1 
By me 1 Are these tilings so ] 

Dor. Harry, how you look ! You frighten me ! 

Har. [Starfn^g.] It shall be done ! 

Dor. What do you mean ] — Calm yourself, Harry. 

Har, Ay ! by heaven ! 

Dor. Hear me, Harry I 

Har. This instant! [Goings b.. 

Dor. [Calling.] Harry! 

Har. Don't droop! [Returning.] Don't despair! I'll 
find relief! [Aside.] First to my friend — He cannot fail? 
But if he should ! — Why, ay, then, to Megaera ! I will 
marry her, in such a cause, were she fifty widows and fifty 
furies ! 

Dor. Calm yourself, Harry ! 

Har. I am calm ! Very calm ! It shall be done. — 
Don't be dejected — You are my father — You were the 
first of men in the first of cities — Revered by the good, 
and respected by the great — You flourished prosperously ! 
— But you had a son ! — I remember it. 

Dor. Why do you roll your eyes, Harry? 

Har. (l.) I won't be long away. 

Dor. (l.) Stay where you are, Harry ! [Seizing his 
hand.] All will be well ! I am very happy ! Do not 
leave me ! I am very happy! Indeed 1 am, Harry-— 
Very happy ! 

Har. Heaven bless you, sir I You are a worthy gen- 
tleman ! I'll not be long ! 

Dor. Hear me, Harry ! I am very happy ! 

Enter Mr. Smith, l. 

Mr. S. Sir, shall we send to the Bank for a thousand 
pounds' worth of silver ? 

Har. [Furiously.] No, scoundrel ! 

[B reals atoay and exit, l. 
Dor. Harry ! Harry ! I am very happy ! Harry 



52 THE KOAD TO RUIN. [Act lIL 

Dornton — I am very happy ! Very happy ! 

[Exit, Mi\ B^nitli following^ i. 

Scene lll.—T/ie House of Mr. Silky. 

Enter Silky and Jacob, r. 

Sil. Mr. Goldfinch not called yet, Jacob? 
Jac. No, sir. 

Sil. Nor any message from the widow 1 
Jac. N"6, sir. [Knocking, R. 

Sil. See who knocks, Jacob. [Exit Jacob, r.] I dare 
say it is one or t'other ! They must come to me at last ! 

Enter Harry Dornton, in wild haste, following Jacob, r. 

liar. \ Entering.] Are you sure he is at home ] 

Jac. He is here, sir. [Exit, r. 

Har. Mr. Silky— [Panting. 

Sil. Ah ! my dear Mr. Dornton, how do you do ! [Both 
sit.] I hope you are very well 1 I am exceedingly glad 
to see you ! This call is so kind, so condescending. It 
gives me infinite pleasure. 

Har. Mr. Silky, you must instantly grant me a favour! 

Sil. A favour ! What is it 1 How can I serve you ? 
I would run to the world's end ! 

Har. You must exert your whole friendship ! 

Sil. Friendship, sir 1 Say duty ! 'Twas you that made 
a man of me ! 1 should have been ruined, in the Bench, 
I know not where or what, had you not come forward and 
supported me at the critical moment ! And now I can 
defy the world. 

Har. [hnpatientli/.] Hear me ! I know you can. 

Sil. Oh, yes ! The sum you lent me, a lucky specula- 
tion, five years of continual good fortune, and other little 
lifts have made me — I won't say what. But your father, 
and perhaps another or two excepted, — 1 say, perhaps I'll 
show my head with the proudest of 'em. 

Har. Why, then, 1 am a fortunate man ! 

Sil. To be sure you are. How can I serve you 1 — 
What can I do 1 Make me happy. 

Har. You can rescue me from phrensy. 

Sil. Can 1 1 — I am proud ! Infinitely happy ! — What % 
How 1 I am a lucky fellow ! Tell me which way 1 
Where cgn I run '^ What can 1 do 1 



ScENKlIL] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 53 

Har. [Hesitaling.] The request is serious — trying. 

Sll. So much the better ! So much the better ! Whom 
could I serve, if not you 1 — You ! The son of the first 
man in the city ! 

Har. [ Wildly.] You mistake ! 

Sit. I don't ! You are, you are ! Dornton and Co. 
may challenge the world, the house of Hope perhaps ex- 
cepted ! 

Har. Woful mistake. 

Sll. Pooh! 

Har. Our house is in danger of stopping payment ! 

Sil. Sir ! [Rises.] Stop payment ! 

Har. My follies are the cause ! 

Sll. [Turning away.] Stop payment ! 

Har. I have not been used to ask favours — ^but — 

Sil. Stop payment ! 

Har, [Rises.] What means this alteration in your coun- 
tenance ] 

Sil. Oh, dear, no ! Ha, ha, ha ! Not in the least ! Ha, 
ha, ha! I assure you, 1, I, I — 

Har. I have told you our situation. Yourself and two 
other friends must jointly support my father by your cre- 
dit, to the amount of fifty thousand pounds. Mark me ! — 
Must ! 

Sil. Fifty thousand pounds, Mr. Dornton ! Fifty thou- 
sand pounds ! Are jrou dreaming 1 Me 1 Fifty thou- 
sand pounds ! Me ? Or half the sum ? Or a fifth of the 
sum ] Me ] 

Har. Prevaricating scound — Hear me, sir I 

Sil. [In fear.] Yes, sir ! 

Har. I must be calm. [Bursting out.'] Are you not a 
— ! I say — sir — You have yourself informed me of your 
ability, and I must insist ! Observe, sir ! I insist on your 
immediate performance of this act of duty ! 

Sil. Duty, and fifty thousand pounds ! Are you mad, 
Mr. Dornton 1 Are you mad 1 Or do you think me madt 

Har. 1 think you the basest of wretches ! 

Sll. Nay, Mr. Dornton, I would do anything to serve 
you — Any thing, I protest to heaven ! Would go any 
where, run — 

Har. Of my errands, wipe my shoes ! Any dirty me 



54 THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act HI 

nial office that cost you nothing. And this you call show 
ing your gratitude 1 

Sil. Is it not, Mr. Dornton 1 

liar. [His anger increasing.] And will you give no help 
to the house ] 

Sil. Nay, Mr. Dornton — 

Har. After the favours you have been for years receiv- 
ing, the professions you have been daily making, and the 
wealth you have by these means been hourly acquiring — 
will you npt, sir *? 

Sil. [Retreating.] Nay, Mr. Pornton — 

Har. [Advancing.] Will you not, sir 1 

Sil. Don't hurt a poor old man ! I can't ! 

Har. [Throwing him, from him.] Scoundrel ! [ExUt R. 

Sil. Bless my heart ! Stopped payment ! — The house 
of Dornton ! — Fifty thousand pounds ! — I declare, I am 
all of a tremble ! Jacob ! 

Enter Jacob, r. 

Have we any bills on the house of Dornton ] 

Jac. I have just been examining the books, sir. — -We 
have bills to the amount of — 

Sil. How much 1 How much ] A thousand pounds 1 

Jac. Three, sir. 

Sil. Three ! — Three thousand 1 Bless my heart 1 

Jac. We heard the news the very moment after young 
Dornton came in ! 

Sil. Run, pay the bills away ! 

Jac. Where, sir 1 

Sil. Any where ! Anybody will take 'em ! Run with 
them to my dear friend, Mr. Small ware ! it is too far for 
him to have heard of the crash. Begone ! Don't leave him ! 
Give my very best respects to him ! He will oblige me 
infinitely ! Fly ! And, Jacob — Make haste, go to the 
clearing-house, and get it whispered among the clerks. 
Then, if there are any of Dornton's bills to be bought at 
fifty per cent, discount, let me know. I will buy up all I 
can. [Exit Jacohy l.] It's a safe speculation — I know the 
house — there must be a good round dividend. \Exif^ \.. 

END OF ACT III. 



Scene I.] . THE ROAD TO RUIN. 55 

ACT IV. 
Scene I. — The House of the Widow Warren 

Enter Jenny, i.., followed by Harry Dornton, who, with 
an oppressed hearty hut half drunk with ivineand passion, 
assumes the appearance of wild and excessive gaiety, 

Har. Away, Handmaid of Hecate ! Fly ! 

Je7i. Lord, sir, you don't mean as you say 1 

Har. Will you begone, Cerberea ! Invite my Goddess- 
to descend in a golden shower, and suddenly relieve these 
racking doubts. 

Jen. Goddess ! I knew whom you meant — Miss Sophy ! 

Enter Widow, r., and exit Jenny, dissatisfied, r. 

Widow. \Smiling\ Mr. Dornton ! 

Har. Widow ! Here am I ! Phaeton the second, hurl 
ed from flaming car ! I come burning with fierce desires, 
devoutly bent on committing the deadly sin of matrimony ! 
May these things be ? Speak, my saving angel ! 

Widow. Nay, but — Dear Mr. Dornton — 

Har. Do not imagine, amiable Widow, that I am mad I 
No, no, no ! Only a little flighty — Left my father furious- 
ly, drank three bottles of Burgundy frantically, flew in 
amorous phrensy to the attack, and will carry the place or 
die on the spot ! Powder and poison await my choice ; 
and let me tell you, sweet Widow, I am a man of my 
word i So you'll have me, won't you % 

Widow. Oh, Mr. Dornton ! 

Har. Why, you would not see my father perish ? 
Would you % and me expire 1 would you ? 

Widow. Am I so very cruel % 

Jlar. Then say yes ! — yes, or — Pistols — Daggers — Can 
n on -balls ! 

Widow. Yes, sir ! yes, yes ! 

Har. Hold, fair Widow! Kind Widow, hold ! Be not 
rash ! I am the veriest villain ! — Avoid me ! — A ruined — 
But that were indeed a trifle — My father! Him! him 
have I ruined ! Heard you that % Bring forth your 
hoards ! Let him once more be himself, and bid me kiss 
the dust ! 



56 THE ROAD TO RUIN. JAcx IV 

Widow. \ Aside.] Elegant youth ! 

Har. And wilt thou, Widow, be his support '? [Eas^erl;/.] 
Wilt thou ? 

Widow. Cruel question ! How can I deny ? 

Har. Immortal blessings be upon thee ! My father — 

Wido)i\ Will be all rapture to hear — 

Har. [Skahes his head.\ Ah, ha, ha, ha! [<S/^7e5.] You 
don't know my father ! A strange, affectionate — ! That 
loves me — ! Oh ! He — ! And you see how I use him. 
But ijo matter! — Tol de rol lol ! — We'll be mamed to- 
nigiit ! 

Widoio. Oh, fie ! 

Bar. Aj, my Madonna ! To-night's the day ! The 
sooner the better ! 'Tis to rescue a father, blithesome 
"Widow ! A father ! To save him have I fallen in love ! 
Remember! — Sin with open eyes, Widow — Money — I 
must have money. Early iti the morn, ere counters echo 
with the ring of gold, fifty thousand must be raised ! 

Widow. It shall, Mr. Uornton ! 

Har. Why, shall it 1 Shall it ] Speak again, beauti- 
ful vision, speak ! Shall it ] 

Widow. Dear Mr. Dornton, it shall ! 

Har. Remember ! Fifty thousand the first thing in the 
morning ! 

Widow. And would not a part this evening — 

[ Coquetting. 

Har. [Suddenly.] What sayest thou? Oh, no! — Whoo! 
Thousands — 

Widow. I have a trifling sum. 

Har. \Eagerlij.] How much — 

Widoiv. Six thousand — - 

Har. Six ! 
Widow. Which I meant to have disposed of, but — 

Har. No, no ! I'll dispose of it, dear Widow ! [Kisses 
her.] I'll dispose of it in a twinkling ! [Elated.] Doubt not 
my gratitude — Let this, and this — [Kissi/tg. 

W/dow. Fie ! You are a sad man. Bat I'll bring you 
a draft ! 

Har. Do, my blooming Widow! Empress of the gol- 
den isles, do ! 

Widow. But remember, this trifle is fi-r your own use. 

Har. No, my peai-1 unparalleled ! My falhor ! My fa- 



a.tNrl.] THE ROAD TO KUIN. 57 

tlier's ! Save but my father and I will kiss ilie ground 
on which thou treadest, and live and breathe but on thy 
bounty ! [ Wiih self-indignation, 

[Exit Widow, R. 
At least till time and fate shall means afford 
Somewhat to perform, worthy of man and me 

Enter Jenny, l., peeping. 

Jen. Sir ! 

Har. Ah, ha ! my merry maid of May ! 

Jen. I suppose you are waiting to see Miss Sophy, now 
you have got rid of the old lady. 

Uar. Got rid of the old lady? Thou brazen pinplacer! 
thou virgin of nine-and-twenty years' occupation ! No ! 
1 have not got rid of the old lady ! the old lady ! the old 
lady is to be my blooming, youthful bride ! and I, happy 
youth, am written and destined in the records of eternity 
her other half! Heigho ! 

Jen. Lord, sir, what rapturation ! — but stay a little, and 
I'll tell Miss Sophy her mamma wants her, here ; so, then 
— Hush ! [Retires, l., making a sign. 

Enter Widow Warren, r. 

Widow. Here's the draft. 

Har. Thanks, my Sultana ! — this halcyon night, the 
priest, pronouncing conjurations dire — 
Widow. Fie ! 1 won't look at you ! 
Har. Ay, to-night we'll marry ! shall we not 1 

[Sitting down and coquetting. 

Enter Sophia, skipping, r. u. e., but stops short on seeing 
tliem. 
To-night shall be a night of wonder; and we'll love like 
'^^\ Aside. \ like Darby and Joan. 

Widoyj. [Languishing.] I shall hate you intolerably ! 

[Sophia advancing on tip-toe, l. 
Har. Hey for the parson's permission ! Hey, my sub- 
lime Widow ! 

Widoio. To steal thus upon one at an ungarded mo- 
ment ! 

Ha \ But here first let me kneel, and thus to Ceres pay — ■ 
[Going to kiss her hand in rapture, meets the eye of So- 
ph ia 



58 THE UOAD TO RUIN. [Act IV 

Soph. [Coming between them with, bursting trepidation^ 
triking the Valentine from her bosom, and presenting it.\ 
There, sir ! 

WidoiLK Ah! 

Soph. There, sir — ob, pray, sir, take it, sir ! 

Widow. Why, minikin — 

Soph. I request, sir ! I desire, sir! 

Har. [Declining it.] Tol de rol — 

Sojdi. [Tearing thepaj^er piecemeal, and ihroiving it spite- 
fully away.] Why, tiien, there, sir — and there, sir — and 
there, there, there, sir ! 

Widow. Poor minikin ! I declare, she is jealous. 

Soph, [ller sohs rising.] And I'll — I'll — Wri-i-i-ite to 
my — to my grandma-a-a-a directly — 

Widoiv. Fie, child ! 

Soph. And I'll go do-o-own — into Glo-o-o-oster-shire — • 

Widow. Go up to your chamber, child ! 

Soph. And I'll tell my grandma-a what a false, base, 
bad man you are ; and she shall ha-a-ate you and despise 
you ; and I'll ha-a-a-ate you and despise you myself! 

Widow. Poor thing ! 

Soph. And moreover, I'll hate and despise all mankind ! 
and for your sake, [with great energy,] I'll live and die a 
maid ! 

Widow. Yes, child, that I dare be sworn you will. 

Har. Widow ! I'm a sad fellow ! don't have me !— Pm 
a vile fellow I Sophy ! you are right to despise me ! I 
am going to marry your mother. 

Soph. I'll go down into Glo-o-ostershire — I wo-ont live 
in such a false-hearted city I And you ought to be asham- 
ed of yourself, ma', to make yourself so ridiculous ! 

Har. No, no, sweet Sylph, it is my fault I all my fault! 

Widow. [Enraged.] Begone, Miss ! 

Har. [Interposing.] Sweet Widow ! gentle Widow ! — 
I've sold myself, Sophy ! six thousand pounds is the ear- 
nest-money paid down, for the reptile Harry Dornton !— • 
I love you, Sophy ! 

Widow. How, Mr. Dornton ? 

Har. I do, by heaven I take back your money, Widow. 
[Ojfering the draft.] I'm a sad scoundrel ! 

Sop7i. You are a base, faithless man, — you know you 
are ! And you are a pitiless woman, a merciless woman. 



ScEKF. l.J THE ROAD TO RTiN. 59 

for all you are my own mother, to let my poor brother 
MilFord go to be starved to death in a dark dungeon! 

ILir. Milford in prison ] 

Sopk. (c.) Yes, sir ; arrested by your cruel, old, ugly 
father ! I'm sure he is ugly, though I never saw him in 
my life — I'm sure he is an ugly, hideous, ugly monster ! 

[Exit, R. 

Har. [Rising.] Is this true. Widow % 

Widow. [Rising — stammering. \ Sir — 

Har. Arrested by my father ? — squandering her money 
on a ruined reprobate, and won't release her husband's 
son ! 

Widow. Nay, but, dear Mr. Dornton — 

Har. I'll be with you again presently, Widow ! pre- 
sently, presently ! 

Widoio. [Speaking after him.] To-night, you know, Mr. 
Dornton ! [Exit Harry ^ r. 

Enter Jenny, l. 

Jen. Mr. Goldfinch is coming up, ma'am. 

Widow. I have no time to waste with Mr. Goldfinch: 
I'll presently send him about his business. Mr. Dornton 
talks, I don't know how, Jenny : says it must be to-night. 

Enter Goldfinch, l. 

Gold, (l.) Well, widow 1 

Widoiv. Not so free, sir ! [ Walks to r. disdainfully. 

Jen. [Aside to Gold.] Have you got the licence 1 

Gold. No. 

Jen. No! 

Gold. No — been to Tattersall's. 

Jen. And not for the licence 1 

Gold. Tellee I've been to Tattersall's ! 

Jen. Ah ! it's all over 1 

Gold. Made sure of the Eclipse colts ! — must not lose 



em 



Jen. [Aside.] Stupid booby ! 

Widow. [Advancing.] What is your present business, 
sir ] 

Gold. My business 1 ha, ha, ha ! that's a good one I I'll 
tell you my business — [Approaching loith open arms, 

Widoiv. [Haughtily ] Keep your distance, sir I 



60 THE KOAD TO RUIN. [Act IV. 

Gold. Distance, Widow 1 No ; that's not the way. 1 
should be double distanced if 1 did. 

Widow. Were you indeed a man of deportment and 
breeding — 

Gold. Breeding ! — Look at my spurs ! 

Widow. Had you the manner, the spirit — But no, you 
are no gentleman — 

Gold. Whew! no gentleman? [Claps on his 7iaf, and 
takes a lounging, impudent sivagger.] Damme, that's a good 
one ! — Charles Goldfinch no gentleman 1 — Ask in the box 
lobby ! inquire at the school ! [In a boxing attitude. 

Widow. Sir, you are a tedious person : your company 
is troublesome. 

Gold. Turf or turnpike, keep the best of cattle — Walk, 
trot, or gallop — Run, amble, or canter — Laugh at every 
thing on the road — Give 'em all the go-by. — Beat the trot- 
ting butcher ! — Gentlennan ! — That's your sort ! 

Jen. [Asid(\to Goldjinch.] Follow me. [Ex.it,^.. 

Widoiv. I beg, sir, I may not be intruded upon with 
you or your horse-jockey jargon any more. [Exit, r. 

Gold. Here's a kick-up — dished again — I knew I should 
have no luck — started badly in the morning — damn all 
dancing-masters and their umbrellas. [Exit, l. 

Scene H. — An A'partment in the House of a Sheriff's Of- 
ficer. 

Enter Harry Dornton, with an Officer, r. 

Har. Dispatch, man ! dispatch ! Tell Jack Milford I 
can't wait a moment ! — hold — write an acquittal instantly 
for the thousand pounds. But say not a word to him of 
my intention. 

Off. A thousand, sir ! it is almost five thousand ! 

Har. Impossible ! 

O^.i Here are detainers already lodged to that amount. 

Har. Five thousand % 

Ofji. Must I write the acquittal for the sum total 1 

Har. No — yes, write it, however. Have it ready. — 
Early to-morrow morning it shall be paid. 

Off,. In the mean time, there may be more detainers. 

Har. Damnation ! What shall I do % — Run, send him ! 
— and, do you hear, a bottle of champagne and two rum- 



SoenkII.J the road to KLIN. G\ 

mers ! Rummers, mind ! — Not a word to him ! — [Exit 
OJicer, R.] Five thousand ! — And more detainers ! 

Enter Officer, r., icith a Bottle and Glasses, Milford 

following. 

Mil. [ With surprise.] Mr. Dornton ! 

Har. [Lying on the table in the hackground.] How now, 
Jack ! What's your wonder ? I can't stay a moment 
with you, but 1 could not pass without giving you a call. 
Your hand, my boy, cheer up ! 

Mil. (r.) [Coolly.] Excuse me, sir! 

Har. Why, Jack !— Pshaw ! cast away this gloom, and 
be — Honest Jack Milford ! You are now in tribulation ; 
what of that ] Why, man, the blessed sun himself is some- 
times under a cloud ! wait but till to-morrow! — Where is 
the wine ! [Fills the rummers?\ Come, drink and wash 
away grief! 'Sblood ! never look frosty and askance, 
man, but drink, drink, drink ! 

Mil. [Ahrvptly.] Sir ! 1 am not disposed to drink. 

Har. Here's confusion to all sorrow and thinking! — I 
could a tale unfold — ! But won't afflict you — I must fly 
— Yet I can do no good to-night — Hurrah ! Jack ! Keep 
up your spirits ! Be determined, like me ! — I am the vil- 
est of animals that crawl the earth — Yet I won't flag ! — 
I'll die a bold-faced villain. — I have sold myself — Am dis- 
inherited — Have lost — Ah, Sophia ! — Hurrah, Jack ! — 
Keep it up ! — Round let the great globe whirl ! and whirl 
it will, though I should happen to slide from its surface into 
infinite nothingness — Drink, ray noble soul ! 

Md. Your mirth is impertinent, sir ! 

ilar. So it is, Jack — Damned impertinent ! But ruin 
is around us, and it is high time to be merry ! 

Mil. Sir] 1 must inform you that, though I have been 
betrayed by you, and imprisoned by your father, I will 
not be insulted ! 

Har. Betrayed by me ] 

Mi!. Ay, sir ; I have had full information of your mean 
arts ! It was necessary 1 should be out of the way, that 
your designs on Mrs. Warren might meet no interruption. 

Har. [Gets off ta.hle.] Pshaw ! Good day, Jack, good 
day ! [Going, r. 

F 



62 THE ROAD TO UUIN. [Act IV. 

JSIil. (c.) And pray, sir, inform your father I despise his 
meanness, and spui'n at his malice ! 

Har. (r.) [Darting hack to him.] Jack Milford — Utter 
no blasphemy against my father ! 1 am half mad ! 1 camo 
your friend — 

Mil. (c) I despise your friendship ! 

Har. (c.) That's as you please. Think all that is vile 
of me. I defy you to exceed the truth. — But utter not a 
word against my father ! 

Mil. Deliberately, pitifully malignant ! Not satisfied 
with the little vengeance he himself could take, he has 
sent round to all my creditors ! 

Har. 'Tis fiilse ! 

Mil. False ! 

Har. A vile, eternal falsehood ! 

Enter Officer, r., with papers and writs, 

OJi, (r.) Gentlemen, did you call % 

Har. [Interrupting him.] Leave the room, sir! 

Offi,. But— - 

Har. [Angrily.] We are busy, sir ! 

Offi. I thought— 

Har. I tell you we are busy, and must not be interrupt- 
ed ! [Exit Officer, r.] Mr. Milford, you shall hear from me 
immediately. [Exit, r. 

Mil. (l.) [After a pause.\ What were those papers? 
Surely I have not been rash ! Nobody but his father 
could have brought my creditors thus on me all at once ! 
He seemed half drunk or half frantic : said he was ruined, 
disinherited. Talked something of to-morrow. What 
could the purport of his coming be % 

Enter Officer, r. 
Well, sir] 

Offi. (r. c.) Here is a note, sir. 

Mil. From whom 1 

OJi. ^^^f> young gentleman. 

Mil. [Reads, aside.] I understand you are at liberty. 
How! at liberty ! [OJicer hows — Reads.] I shall walk up 
to Hyde Park : you, will find me at the ring at six. Ex- 
actly at six. At liberty ! 

Ofjl. Your debts are all discharged. 



ScE^^i: III. 



THE KOAD TO RUIN. 63 



MIL Impossible! Which way? By wLjm 1 

OJi. Why, sir — that is — 

Mil. No hesitation, but tell me by whom ! 
■ Ofi. Sir — I thought I perceived some angei between 
you and the young gentleman 1 

Mil. Ask no questions, sir ; make no delays. Tell me 
who has paid my debts ? Tell me the truth. Conse- 
quences you do not suspect depend upon your answer. 

O^. I perceive, sir, there has been some warmth be- 
tween you; and though the young gentleman made me 
promise silence and secrecy — 

Mil. [ With astonish?7ient.] What, then, it was Mr. 
Dornton 1 [Officer, r., bows.] Madman ! what have I done ! 

[Exeunt, R. 

Scene III. — T/ie House of Dornton. 

Ente?- Harry Dornton, followed hy Mr. Smith, l. 

Har. (l.) And the danger not yet passed ? 

Mr. S. (l.) Far from it. Mr. Sulky has twice brought 
us supplies, an-d is gone a third time. 

Har. (c.) Brave spirit ! He would coin his heart ! My 
father supports it nobly ! 

Mr. S. (r. c.) He is anxious only for you. 

Har. Well, well. Ha, ha, ha ! Tol lol— I'll bring him 
relief. Comfort him, assure him of it. Ay, hear me, hea- 
ven, and — To-night is too late, but to-morrow all shall be 
well — excellent well ! 

3Ir. S. [Significantly.] You will marry the Widow? 

Har. Have you heard ] Ay, boy, ay — We'll marry. 
I will go and prepare her ; we'll marry early in the morn- 
ing, that all may be safe. I have told her the truth. She 
knows all — Why, ay, [Looking at histcatch,] the proc- 
torls, the lawyer's, the Widow's, and — [Starts,] at six !— 
the ring! — at six ! — Fiends! Who can say what may — 
What, leave my father to perish % I'll not go ! though all 
hell should brand me for a coward, I'll not go ! Mr. 
Smith, take care of my father. Mark me, I recommend 
my father to you ! [Exit, l. 

Enter Mr. Dornton, r. 

Dor. (r.) Where is Harry % (c) Did not I hear his 
voice ] 



64 THE IIOAD TO RUIN. [AcT IV 

Mr. S. He is this moment gone, sir. 

J)o?\ Gone! — Where 1 

Mr. S. Do you not suspect where, sir 1 

Dor. [u'Uarmecl.] Suspect! What? Speak! 

]SL\ S. To the Widow Warren's. 

Dor. For what purpose 1 

Mr. S. To marry her. 

Dor. Marry ! The Widow Warren ! 

Mr. S. And save the house by her fortune. 

Dor. Generous Harry ! Noble, affectionate boy ! I'd 
perish first ! [ Walks about. 

Mr. S. He seems very resolute. He has already had 
six thousand pounds of her. 

Dor. Marry her ! I shall go mad I Where is Mr. Sul- 
ky ] [Extreinely agitated. 

Mr. S. He is just returned. I hear him in the count- 
ing-house. 

Dor. Tell him I wish to speak to him. [Exit Mr. Smithy 
L.] Harry Dornton and the Widow Warren ! I shall die 
in Bedlam ! 

Enter Mr. Sulky, l,, a pen in his hand. 

Are we safe, Mr. Sulky ? 

Sul. (c.) For to-day, perhaps. 

Dor. (c.) What bank have we to begin to-morrow 1 

Sul. I can't tell ; 1 fear not thirty thousand. 

Dor. Mr. Sulky, you — you — you — have this day shown 
yourself an active partner and a sincere friend. 

Sul. Humph ! 

Dor. I have long esteemed you ! 1 esteem you more 
and more. 

Sul. Humph I 

Dor. My son, Harry — [Hesitating.] You are a very good 
man, Mr. Sulky; a compassionate man, though you don't 
look so. 

Sul. Humph! 

Dor. 'Tis pity to see so noble a youth — I am sure you 
would not wish him any harm, Mr. Sulky ! 1 am sure 
you would not ! 

Sul. Whom'f 

Dor. Harry Dornton. Would you "? Would you ? 
Would you, Mr. Sulky ? 



Scene III.J TFIK ROAH TO IIUIN. G5 

Sal. A kind question. 

Dor. Nay, T did not mean to be unkind, Mr. Sulky ; 
you know 1 did not. Shall we not venture one step more 
to save him 1 

Sul. Save ! Impossible ! Ruin only can reform him ! 
Total ruin ! 

Dor. You mistake, Mr. Sulky. His own misfortunes 
little affected him, but mine — He is struck to the heart ! 
I know him ! 

Sal. So do I. 

Dor. Struck to the heart ! I'm sure on't ! He'll be a 
{^ood man ! A great man ! 

S(i/. Humph ! 

Dor. You know the Widow Warren, Mr. Sulky 1 

Sul. Don't you 1 

Dor. I never saw her in my life. I hear she is full 
forty, her manners absurd, her character cruel, and her 
morals — 

Sul. Bad enough. 

Dor. Six thousand pounds at this moment is a great 
sum ! I own it ! But do you think I ought not to ven- 
ture ] 

Sul. Venture what ] 

Dor. To — to take it from our bank. 

Sul. For what ? 

Dor. For — for the — the relief of Harry Dornton. 

Sul. What you please ! Take all ! What is it to me 1 

Dor. Nay, but, Mr. Sulky, you surely don't see the thing 
in the right light 1 

Sul. I can starve, like the rest ! 

Dor. Very well, Mr. Sulky ! — Very well ! I perceive 
you can be interested, and — and — 

Sid. And what 1 

Dor, Very well, Mr. Sulky ! Very well ! 

Sul. I can stare bankruptcy in the face as steadfastly as 
you can. 

Do?-. Ay, ay, no doubt ! The world is all alike ! I am 
an old fool, and so shall live and die ! 

Sul. Why do you ask my advice] Take the money! 
Empty the coffers ! Pour it all into his hat! Give him 
guineas to play at chuck-farthing, and bank bills to curl 
his l-.air ! 



66 THE ROAD TO RUIN. 



[Act V. 



Dor. Very well, Mr. Sulky ! Friendship, generosity, 
a sense of justice ! Oh, it's all a farce ! f Walks about. 
Sul. Humph ! 
Dor. [Rings.] Very well, sir ! Very well ! 

Enter Servant, l. 

Is the carriage ready ? 

Ser. It's at the door, sir. 

Dor. [Going, L., turns back.] So, Mr, Sulky, you would 
see him married to this widow, to whom you have so of- 
ten, as well as now, given the worst of characters, rathei 
than incur a little more risk for your friend 1 

Sul. Marry ! 

Dor. Yes, marry ! 

Sul. Whom? 

Dor. The Widow Warren, I tell you. 

Sul. Harry Dornton ! 

Dor. Yes, Harry Dornton ! 

Sul. When 1 Where ? 

Dor. Immediately ! With unexampled affection, to 
Bave me, who am old and worthless, he would devote his 
youth, his great qualities, and his noble heart, to all the 
torments which such a marriage and such a woman can 
inflict ! 

Sul. Take the money ! 

Dor. Are you serious, Mr. Sulky 1 

Sul. Take the money ! Away ! Begone ! I would 
indeed starve, inchmeal, rather than he should marry her ! 

Dor, Mr. Sulky, you are a worthy man, a true friend ! 

Sul. Curse compliments, make haste ! [Exeunt, l. 

END OP ACT IV. 



AC T V. 

Scene I. — The House of the Widow Warren, 
Enter Sophia, l., Jenny, r. 

Jen. (r. c.) So, Miss ! Here's your mamma just com* 
ing down 



Scene I.J THE ROAD TO RUIN. 67 

Soph. (l. c.) [Much agitated ?\ Is she dressed 1 

Jen. Oh, yes ! — I have decorated her out like any king's 
coach-horse ! 

Soj)h. It's very well. 

Jen. With her ribands and ringlets stuck about and 
dangle-ating down her back ; and all her — 

Soph. It's veiy well. It's all very well. But it will 
be no wedding. 

Je7i. [j^s/de.] I hope not. 

Sop/i. He told her to her face that he loved me, and of- 
fered to give her the money back. He'll never have her. 
And if he does, I don't care. I know I shall die broken- 
hearted, but I don't care. I'll tell all to my dear grand 
ma', for I'll not stay in this wicked city. No ! he sha'n't 
see me pine away. I know my ghost will haunt him ; 
but I can't help it. I never wished him any harm, and 
had he but been true-hearted, and have waited for me, I 
would — But it's no matter. He shan't see a tear that 1 
shed, nor hear the least sigh that I heave. 

Enter the Widow Warren, r. 

Jen. [Admiring her.] Well, ma'am — I declare you're a 
pictur — 

Wido7i\ (c.) Do you think I look tolerably, Jenny 1 
\ JValking and surveying herself. \ Shall I do execution X 
What is the matter, child % 

Soph. j\Iark my words, he'll never have you. 

Widow. Poor thing ! 

Soph. He never will. [Knocking at the street-door ^ l. 

Widow. Run, Jenny, see who it is. [Exit Jenny y\..] 
Go up to your chamber, child. 

Soph. [Much agitated.] No, I will stay here. 

Widoio. Begone to your chamber, I say, miss. 

Soph. Beat me, if you please ; kill me, but 1 will not. 

Re-enter Jenny, l. 

Jen. Here's an elderly gentleman, ma'am, asks to speak 
to you. 

Widow. Will you begone, miss 1 

Sojyh. Since it is not he, I don't want to stay. I only 
want to loiDk him in the face once more. [Exit, r. 

Widow How is he dressed 1 



68 THR KOAD TO RUIN. [Act V 

Jen. In gray, ma'am. 

Widoiv. in gray t 
Jen. Yes, ma'am. 

WidouK In dark gray 1 
Jen. Yes, ma'am. 

Widow. [Eagerly.] Does he look like a parson, Jenny 1 
Jen. Why, ma'am, he's a soberly, snug, jobation-look- 
ing man enough. 

Widow. Let him be shown in. [Exit Jenny, l.j I dare 
aay it is the divine. 

Enter Jenny, l., introducing Mr. Dornton. 

Dor. (l.) Your humble servant, madam ! 

WidouJ. Sir, your very most humble servant! 

[ With great respect, 
Dor. (l. c.) I presume you are unacquainted with me? 

Widow, (r. c.) [ With a siinj^ering ai\\ I believe I can 
penetrate, sir — 

Dor. Can you, madam ? 

Widoiv. [Holding her fan before her face.] You — you 
come on the — part of — young Mr. Dornton 1 

Dor. \ Surprised.] I do. 

Widow. [Aside.] It is the parson? — [Aloud.] Would you 
be so indulgent as to be seated, sir? 

Dor. Excuse me, madam ! 

Widow. Would you be pleased to take any refreshment, 
sir? 

Dor. Madam ! 

Widow. A morsel of seed-cake, a French biscuit, a bit 
of orange-loaf, a glass of Constantia, or a jelly ? 1 know 
these little cordial comforts are agreeable consolations to 
gentlemen of your cloth. 

Dor. [Surveying himself] Cloth ! 

Widow. No offence, I hope ! I participate in them 
myself. 

Dor. Hem ! No doubt ! 

Widou\ You are acquainted with Mr. Dornton 1 

Dor, Why — Yes — I am, I believe, one of his oldest 
acquaintance. 

Widow. Then I dare say you have a great regard for 
him ] 

Dor. H(3m ! — Ygs — I — liad a — sort of a friendship for 



Scene I.] THE llOAD TO RUIN. 69 

Widoiv. Sir! — Oh — you are intimate with the family ! 

Do7\ Yes — yes, madam ! 

Widoio. And know his father 1 

Dor. Hem — \Shrugs.\ Why — though I have kept him 
company from the day of his birth to this very hour, they 
tell me I don't know him yet ! 

Widow. Ay, indeed ! is he so odd ] 

Dor. Sometimes — To my great regret, I have some- 
times found him a very absurd old gentleman ! 

Widow. I am sorry for it I — Because, as I am soon to 
become — hymeneally — his intimate — relation — T — T — 

[ JVith affected coyness. 

Dor. You would wish for a sensible, indulgent papa. — 

\ Smiling. 

Widow. It's natui-al, sir. [Simpering. 

Dor. Ha ! 1 dare not say too much in his favour. 

Widoiv. Nay, though I have avast — hum — ha — regard 
for young Mr. Dornton — I own I have no great predilec- 
tion of opinion for the father ! 

Dor. [Acrifnonioi/.s7i/.] Nor he for you, madam ! 

Wido?i\ Do you think so ] 

Dor. 1 am sure so ! 

Widow. I warrant, sir, he is, as you say, a very precise, 
acrimonious old gentleman ! 

Dor. I said no such thing, madam ! 

Widoiv. Ah ! a little caution, sir, to be sure, becomes 
gentlemen of your cloth. 

Dor. Cloth again ! — I don't know what you mean by 
my cloth ! but Mr. Dornton, madam, is little older than 
yourself; nor does he think himself half so repugnant. 

Wfdow. Sir! 

Dor. [Recollecting himself.^ Madam 1 — I beg pardon ! — 
I — * [Bowing. — A knocking, l. 

Widoiv. Oh ! here, I dare say, comes the bridegroom ! 

[Enraptured, crosses, l. 

Dor. [Aside^^ My cursed vivacity ! I can never toll her, 
after this, who I am. [Bet ires up the Stage. 

Enter Harry Dornton, in haste, l. 

Widow. [Eagerhf meeting him.] Oh, you rover ! 

[Crosses, r. 
Har. Well, my kind WidoM ! [71//-. Dornton gradi/aihj 



70 THE KOAD TO RUIN. [Act V 

approaclics.] My loving, compassionate Widow ! (c.) T am 
come post haste to cast myself once more on your bounty. 

Widow, (c.) Hush! 

Har. To entreat instant commiseration and aid ! 

Widow. Hem ! Hem ! [Aloud, 

Har. 1 have not a minute to spare ! 
Widon\ [Whisjjers.] He's here ! He's come ! A wasp- 
ish, techy ! — Hem ! — [Aloud ] Your friend has been here 
some time, Mr. Dornton ! 

Har. My friend ! What friend 1 

Widoiv. Your friend, the clergyman. 

[Pointing to Mr. Dornton. 

Har. Clei"gyman ! [Tunis and sees his Father close at hit 
€lhow.\ My father ! 

Widow. His father ! [A pause. 

Dor. (l. c.) Well, Harry, why do you look so blank 1 
I am glad you are here. Your coming, and the mutual 
sincerity with which this lady and I have just spoken our 
sentiments, will save all circumlocution. — At present, we 
understand each other. 
Widojc. Sir — I — 

Dor. Oh, madam, never retract. Let us continue the 
like plain honest dealing — 

Widoio. But — sir — Mr. Dornton's affection — 

Dor. Ha, ha, ha ! Affection, madam ! 

Har. Sir — 

Dor. Harry, I know your motives — will never forget 
them. But the cause of them has ceased. 

Har. Sir, beware ! No false ccjmpassion ! Remember 
not the vile reprobate that was your son ! 1 spurn at the 
existence that is coupled with your misery. 

Dor. Harry, our danger is over. 

Har. Are you — are you serious ? 

Dor. Mr. Sulky is a worthy man ! His rich uncle is 
dead, and has left him sole heir. Our books, too, have been 
examined, and exceed our best hopes. 

Har. My— 

Dor. Here is your money, madam. [Offering ii. 

Har. My father saved ! Tol de rol ! 

Widow. Nay, but — Mr. Dornton !--sir— [ Weeping. 

Dor. I must beg you will take it — 

Har. \\vjo\co, Vf'idow! Rejoice! Sing I Shouf f 
'i'ol-de-ro] ! 



SCKNE 1,1 



THE ROAD TO RUIN. 71 



lllJoiv. I do not want the money, sir. Filthy money. 
And as to what T said, though you have arrested Mr. Mil- 
ford— 

Hfir. Ha! [Pausing and looking ai his watch. 

Widow. I am sorry — T beg your pardon — And if Mr. 
Dornton — 

Dor. Why don't you speak, Harry 1 Where are you 
going 1 [Harry crosses hastily, Ij.] Come back, Harry! — 
Stay, [ say ! 

Hur. I cannot stay ! I must fly ! My honour is at 
stake. [Exit, l. 

Dor. [Alarmed.'] His honour ! His honour at stake ! — 
Here, here, madam ! [Offering money. 

Widoiv. Nay, sir — 

Dor. 'Sdeath, madam, take your ijioney. [Exit, l. 

Widow. Cruel usage ! Faithless men. — Blind ! Stu- 
pid ! I'll forsake and forswear the whole sex ! [ Weeps. 

Knter Jenny, l., with great glee, and stands uwperceived, l. 

Jen. (l.) Ma'am ! ma'am ! Mr. Goldfinch, ma'am ! 
Widoio. Hey ! Mr. Goldfinch ! Was that what you said, 
Jenny 1 [Brightens ?//>.] Where ? 

Jen. Below, ma'am. I persuaded him to come up, but 
he is quite surly. 

Widow. Oh ! He is coming. Well, I think I will see 
him — Yes — I think I will. 

Jen. I always told you, ma'am, Mr. Goldfinch for me. 
Widow. Did you % 

Jen. But he says he will have your written promise this 
very night, or never speak to you more. T hear him. [Ad- 
justing the Widow's dress?\ Law, ma'am, you had better 
give a few touches — Hereabout — Your eyes will have 
doubfe the spirit and fire. 

Widow. Will they % [Exity R. 

Enter Goldfinch, l. 

Gold, (r.) Where's the dowager ^ 

Jen. (l. c.) Hush ! Mind what I said to you. — It is too 
late now for a licence, so be sure get the promise. — Don't 
flinch ! 

Gold. Me flinch ] Game t ) the back bone % 

Jen. Hush ! [Exit, r. 



72 THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act V. 

Rccnte?' tlie Widow Warren, r. 

Gold, (r.) Here I am once more, Widow. 
Widow, (r.) Ah, rambler ! 

Gold. Are you cured of the tantrums ? 

Widow, (c.) Nay, Mr. Goldfinch— 

Gold, (c.) Mnst 1 keep my distance? 

Widow. Unjdnd ! 

Gold. (l. c.) Am 1 a gentleman now ] 

Widoiv. Killing ! 

Gold. Look you, Widow, I know your tricks. Skittish ! 
Won't answer to the whip ! Run out of the course ! 
Take the rest. — So give me your promise. 

Widow. My promise ! 

Gold. Signed and sealed. 

Widoiv. Naughty man ! You shan't ; I won't let you 
tyrannize over my palpitating heart. 

Gold. Palpi — What does she say 1 

Widow. Go, intruder ! 

Gold, Oh ! what, you won't? 

Widow. I'll never forgive you. 

Gold. I'm oftM [Going y l. 

Widow. Cruel man ! 

Gold, (l.) I'm off! 

Widow. Ml-. Goldfinch ! ' [Calling, 

Gold. I'm off— 

Widow. You shall have the promise ! 

Gold. Oh, ho ! Why, then, I pull up — [Returning. 

Widow. Barbarous youth ! Could you leave me % — 
But I must send to Mr. Silky. 

Gold. (l. c.) No, no ! Let me have the promise direct- 
ly ! I'll go myself to Silky. 

Widow. Will you, Mr. Goldfinch? 

Gold, (c.) Will I not ? Take a hack, mount the box — 
Hayit! — Scud away for the old scoundrel! I'm a deep 
one — Know the course every inch ! I'm the lad for the 
widow ! That's your sort ! 

Widow. Saucy man ! I'll be very angry with vou. 

Gold. (l. c.) Soon be back. 

Widow. Adieu ! Fly swiftly, ye minutes ! 

Gold. But I must have the promise first ! 

Widow. I will go and write it. Come, dissembler, 
Gome ! \Exif, languishing, r. 



S-cEztElI.] THE RCAD TO RUIN. 73 

Gold. She's an old courser ! but I knew I sliould take 
her at the double. 

Enter Milford, l. 

Mil. (l.) So, Charles! where's the Widow? 

Gold. The Widow's mine ! 

Mil. (L. c.) Yours % 

Gold. I'm the lad ! All's concluded — Going post for 
old Silky. [Attempting to go^ hut is stopped by Milford. 

Mil. Silky, did you say ? 

Gold. Am to pay the miserly rascal fifty thousand pounds 
down. But mum ! That's a secret. 

Mil. You are raving ! 

Gold. (l. c.) Tellee he has her on the hip ; she can't 
inarry without his consent. 

Mil. (c.) But why ? ' 

Gold. Don't know. The close old rogue won't tell — 
Has got some deed, he says — some writing. 

Mil. Indeed! 

Gold. Yes — but it's a secret ! I shall be a higher fel- 
low than ever, Jack ! Go to the second spring Meeting 
— Take you with me — Come down a few to the sweaters 
and trainers — The knowing ones — The lads — Get into the 
secret — Lay it on thick — Seven hundred to five — Favour- 
ite against the field ! — Done 1 — I'll do it again ! — Done ! — 
Five times oyer — ditto repeated ! — Done, done ! — Off they 
go ! — Winner lays by — Pretends to want foot — Odds rise 
high ! Take 'em — Winner whispered lame — Lags after 
— Odds higher — and higher. Take 'em — Creeps up — 
Breathes 'em over the flat — Works 'em up hill — Passes 
the distance-post — Still only second — Betting chair in an 
uproar ! — Neck to neck ! — Lets him out — Shows him the 
whip — Shoots by like an arrow — Oh, damme, a hollow 
thing ! (l.) That's your sort. [Exit, l. 

Mil. (c.) Fifty thousand to Silky for his consent, because 
sf some instrument, some writing 1 — If it should be the — 
It mast — By heaven, it must ! [Exit, hastily, L. 

Scene II. — The Ring in Hyde Park. 
Enter Harry Dornton, r. u. e., looking at his Watch. 

Har. How long must I wait 1 I see nothing of Mil 
Tord — I'll cut off that bailiff's ears if he has betrayed me. 



74 THE ROAD TO RUIN. 



f Ac* V. 



Enter Mr. Dornton, r., out of breath. 

Dor. (r.) So, Harry ! 

Har. (c.) My father again ! 

Dor. What do you do here, Harry ? 

Har. Sir^ — I — I want air. 

Dor. So do I. — A pretty dance you have led me.-— 
What brought you hither] — Where's the money you had 
of the Widow 1 — Where's the money, Harry % 

Har. \Reluctantly.\ Gone, sir. 

Dor. Gone ! 

Har. Most of it. 

Dor. (c.) And your creditors not paid ? [Pause.] And 
your creditors not paid % 

Har, No, sir. 

Dor. [Raises his hands.] 1 suspected — I foreboded this ! 
[Harry walks ahout in the hackgroimd.] He has been at 
some gaming-house, lost all, quarrelled, and come here to 
put a miserable end to a miserable existence ! Oh, who 
would Ije a father ! [ With extreme emotion. 

Enter Waiter, r. 

Waiter, (l.) [Surveying Mr. Dornton.] Pray — sir — Is 
your name Dornton 1 

Dor. It is. 

Waiter. Then I am right — Mr. Milford, sir, has sent me 
with this note. [Exit, r. 

Har. [Advancing.] It is for me, sir ! 

Dor. How do you know, Harry 1 

Har. (r. c.) Sir, I am certain ! — I must beg — 

Dor. This is no time for ceremony ! — [Reads.] Dear 
Harry y forgive the provocation I have given you ; forgive 
the wrongs I have done your father — Me ! — I ivill submit to 
any disgrace rather than lift my hand against your life — / 
would have come and apologised even on my knees, but am 
frevented. J. Mllford. ' 

[Stands a moment contemplating the letter.] Why, Harry ! 
—What !— What is this ?— Tell me— Tell me ! Is it in 
paying Milford's debts you have expended the money ? 

Har. It is, sir. 

Dor. [ Endeavour i7ig to repress his feelings.] But liow hud 
he wronged me ? — Wliy diil you come here to fight him I 



Scene III.] THE ROAD TO RUIN. 75 

Har. Sir — he — he spoke disrespectfully of you. 

[A pause. 

Dor. [Looking tv'dh powerful emotion on his son, then sud- 
denly taking his ha?id.'\ Harry! 

Har. [Taking his Jlither's hand^ hut turning to conceal 
his agitation.] My father ! \ A pause. 

Dor. Harry ! Harry ! 

Har. Dear sir, let us fly to console poor Milford ! 

Dor, What you will, Harry ! Do with me what you 
will — Oh, who would not be a father! [Exeunt, r. 

Scene HI. — The House of the Widow Warren. 

Enter Milford and Mr. Sulky, l. 

Mil. (l. c.) That fool, Goldfinch, himself informed me, 
sir, that Silky is to receive fifty thousand pounds for his 
consent ! 

Sul. (c.) Fifty thousand ! Zounds ! Why, then, the 
old scoundrel must have got possession of the will. 

Mil. Which is indubitably meant to be destroyed. 
Goldfinch is just returned with Silky. They are now 
with the widow, all in high glee, and are coming up here 
immediately, no doubt to settle the business in private. 

Sul. What can be done 1 

Mil. We must hide ourselves somewhere, and spring 
upon them. 

Sul. I hate hiding ! It's deceit, and deceit is the re- 
source of a rascal. 

Mil. But there is no avoiding it ! We cannot get le- 
gal assistance in time ! Here are two closets — Do you 
go into one, and I'll shut myself up in the other. We 
shall hear what they are about, and can burst upon them 
at the proper moment. 

Sul. Well, if it must be so— But it's a vile, paltry refuge ! 

Mil. I hear them coming ! Make haste ! 

[Exeunt into closets. 

Ent&^ Silky, Widow, and Goldfinch, l. 

Sil. [First.] Ha, ha, ha ! I told you, madam, I should 
hear frotn you when you wanted me I I knew it must 
como to that. But you are a lucky man, Mi\ Goklfiiich ! 



76 THE KOAD TC RUIN. [^ctV. 

and I'm a lucky man ! Ay, and you are a lucky woman, 
too, madam ! We are all in luck. 

Gold, (c.) [Ar}n-in-ann with, Widoiv.] Ay, damme, old 
one, you have been concerned in many a good thing in 
your time. 

Sil. (r.) Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha ! To be sure I have ! I 
must provide for my family, Mr. Goldfinch t 

Widow, (l.) It is indeed a fortunate event ! Do you 
not participate my raptures, Mr. -Goldfinch 1 

Gold. To be sure — It's a deep scheme ; it's knowing a 
thing or two ! Ha, old one 1 Pigeoning the greenhorns 

Sil. (r. c.) All so safe, too ; so snug ! I am so pleased, 
and so happy ! It's all our own ! Not a soul will know 
of it but our three selves. 

Gold. Oh, yes — One more, old one. 

Sil. [Alarmed.] Ay! Who] Whol 

Gold. Your father — Beelzebub. 

Sil. Lord ! Mr. Goldfinch, don't terrify me ! 

Widow, (l. c.) To be sure, it must be owned you are a 
shocking old rogue, Mr. Silky ! But there is no doing 
without you. So make haste with your deeds and your 
extortions ! for really we should be very glad to be rid of 
your company — 

Sil. Well, well, I'm ready — I'll not long interrupt your 
amorous haste. I'm a man of business. I expected how 
it would be, and have a legal instrument here, ready 
drawn up by my own hand ; which, when it is signed and 
sealed, will make all safe. 

Widow. But where is the will 1 

Sil. [All three sit at a table, c] Oh, I have it. — First, 
however, let us be secure. 

[Locks both the chamber doors ; is going to read, but 
looks round, sees the closet doors, and, with great 
anxiety and cunning, locks thetn too. 

Gold. You're an old trader in sin ! There's no being 
too deep for you ! 

Sil. Ah, ha, ha, ha ! Do you think so, Mr. Goldfinch 1 

Gold. But I should like to see you on your death-bed ! 
\^A bloiv from one of the closets. 

Sil. Bless my soul ! — What's that 1 

Gold. Zounds! Odd enough ! I believe he's coming 
for you before your time ! 



SCEKE III.] THE ROAD TO RI-IN. 77 

Widow. It was very strange ! 
Sfl. I declare I am all of a tiemble ! 
Widow. Come, come, let us get the shocking business 
over ! — Where is the will 1 
Gold. Don't shake so, man ! 

Sil. Well, well ! First sign the bond. [ Widow and 
Goldfinch going to sign, another knock heard.] Lord have 
mercy upon me ! 

Gold. I smell sulphur. 

Widow. Save me, Mr. Goldfinch ! 

Sil. The candles burn blue ! [A pause. 

Gold. Pshaw ! Zounds, it's only some cat in the closet ! 

Sil. I heard it in both the closets. 

Gold. Why, then, there are two cats ! Come, I'll sign. 

[ Widow and Gold/inch sign the bond. 
SU. Where's the promise 1 

Gold. Here it is. [Laying it on the tahh. 

Sil. And here is the will, which, that all may be safe, 
we will immediately commit to the flames. [Is going to 
burn it in the candle. Four successive loud knocks are heard, 
two from each of the doors. Silky starts, drops one candle, 
and overturns the other. Stage dark.] Lord have mercy 
upon us ! 

Gold. My hair stands on end ! 

Wido7v. [ Violent knocking at both closets and at the doors.] 
Save me, Mr. Goldfinch ! Protect me ! Ah ! [Shrieks. 
[Sulky and Milford burst open the closets, and seize on 
the bond and promise ; then open chamber doors ; at 
L., enter Jenny loith lights, and at the other, Sophia, 
Harry Dornton, and Mr. Dornton. 
Soph, (l.) Dear ma*, what's the matter ? 
Sul. Where is the will % [Silky recovers himself and 
inatches it up.] Give it me, you old scoundrel ! Give it 
me this instant, or I'll throttle you ! [ Wrests it from him. 
Mil. (c.) So, gentlemen ! you are a pretty pair of knavos. 
Sul, (c.) And you are a very worthy lady. 
Widow, (l. c.) Don't talk to me, man ! — Don't talk to 
me ! — I shall never recover my senses again ! 

[Retires up Stage. 
Har. What has happened, gentlemen "? How came you 
thus air locked up together ? 
-Dor. Are you here, Mr. vSilky ? 



78 THE ROAD TO RUIN. [Act V 

Sul. Yes ; there's the honest, gratefu], friendly Mr. Sil- 
ky ! who would betray his friends, plunder the living, and 
defraud the dead, for the ease of his conscience, and to 
provide for his family. 

Go/d. Old one! You're done up ! 

Sul. And here is the girlish old coquette, who wouhl 
rob her daughter and leave her husband's son to rot in a 
dungeon, that she might marry the first fool she could find. 

Gold. Widow ! you are dished ! [Sulky exaynines the 
zvill.] Lost your last chance ! 

Dor. (l.) a broken gamester, nurtured in idleness, ig- 
norance, and dissipation, whose ridings, racings, and driv- 
ings are over, and whose whole train of horses, dogs, cur- 
ricles, phaetons, and fooleries must come to the hammer, 
immediately, is no great loss. 

Soph. Oh, la ! 

Dor. I knew your father, sir : 'tis happy for him that he 
is dead. If you will forsake these courses and apply to 
trade — 

Gold, (c.) Damn trade ! Who's for the spring meet- 
ing 1 Cross 'em and wind 'em ! Seven to five, you don't 
name the winner ! (l.) I'm for life and a curricle ! A cut 
at the caster, and the long odds ! Damn trade ! The 
four aces, a back hand, and a lucky nick ! I'm a deep 
one ! That's your sort ! [Exit, l. 

Sul. (r.) And now, madam — 

Widow. [Comes forward.] Keep off, monster! You 
smell of malice, cruelty, and persecution. 

Sul. No, madam : I smell of honesty ! A drug you 
nauseate, but with which you must forcibly be dosed ! — I 
have glanced over the will, and find I have the power. 

Widow. Let me go, goblin I — You are a hideous person, 
and I hate the sight of you ! Your breast is flint ! flint ! 
unfeeling gorgon, and I abominate you ! . [Exit, r. 

Soph, (c.) Nay, you are a kind, good, cross old soul ! 
and I am sure you will forgive my poor ma' ! We ought 
all to forget and forgive ! Ought not we, Mr. Dornton ? 
Har. [ To Mr. Dornton.] Do you hear her, sir 1 
Dor. (r. c.) Harry has told me of your innocent, pure, 
and unsuspecting heart — I love you for having called me 
an ugly monster. 

Soph. [To liar.] La, Mr. Dornton, how could you — 



SckneIII.] the road TO RUIN. 79 

Sul. (r. c.) Harry — Give me your hand — You have a 
generous and noble nature ! But your generosity \vould 
have proved more pernicious than even your dissipation. 
No misfortunes — no, not the beggary and ruin of,a father, 
could justify so uiiprincipled a marriage ! 

Dor. [To Sulky.] And now, my friend ! 

Mil. My father! 

Bar. (c.) My — 

Sul. Whoo ! If you wish to get another word from mo 
to-night, have done! [Turning to Silky.] I hate fawning 

Si/, (r.) Ah, Mr. Sulky, you will have your humour. 

Sul. {r.) The indiscriminating generosity of this young 
man supported you in your day of distress ; for which, 
serpent-like, you turned to sting your preserver. 

Si/. Ah, you will have your humour. 

Sul. Yes ; and it is my humour to see that your villainy 
shall be exposed in its true colours. Hypocrisy, falsehood, 
and fraud, are your familiars. To screen your avarice, 
you made it believed that this gentleman had been the 
cause of lodging the detainers, and had done the dirty 
work of which even you were ashamed. But the credi- 
tors shall receive their full demand. 

Dor. (r. c.) The proposal is just. Listen to that wor- 
thy man ; and, if you can, be honest with a good grace. 
Everything will then be readily adjusted, and, 1 hope, to 
the satisfaction of all parties. 

DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF 
THE CURTAIN. 

Silky, Sulkt. Dornton. Sophia. Harrt. Milford. 

R.l [L. 

THE END. 






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